Holidays
by Nemishiwa
Summary: How the members of Fairy Tail celebrate some strange and bizarre holidays.
1. July

Wow. I updated before a whole year passed. What is wrong with me? Anyway, I'm going to try to write a story depicting how the Fairy Tail members celebrate certain holidays. I went on a website called holiday insights and looked at the unique holidays on there. I'm going to try to write a chapter every month and the chapter will have the holidays for that month. I did skip some holidays that I was unable to do (like Cousins Day or Father-in-Law Day) as well as holidays that are unique to a culture/religion/country (like the independence of any country or Christmas). Those wouldn't make sense in the world of Fairy Tail. I also skipped a few that I couldn't come up with anything for but the number of those were like three so...yeah. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fariy Tail, Howl's Moving Castle, Soul Eater, Jeff Dunham, any board game mentioned or Rave.

* * *

><p>July<p>

Lucy sat at the bar, reading her book while the guild quietly chatted to one another. It was hot and people were lazily milling about, not feeling like doing anything. Well…until a certain fire dragon slayer burst through the guild doors.

"Hey, everybody! What are you all doing just sitting there? It's July! Which means it's Anti-boredom month!" Natsu then proceeded to punch the person sitting right next to him, who happened to be his rival. Gray got up incredibly fast, flipped the table over (for no apparent reason), and began trying to freeze the pink haired moron. This resulted in a guild wide brawl as hell was raised.

_At least they're in the holiday spirit._ Lucy thought before shrugging and joining the fray.

Creative Ice Cream Day: July 1

In the spirit of the holiday, the guild had decided to hold a contest to see who could come up with the most creative flavor of ice cream. Guild members could either form teams or make the ice cream themselves. Makarov had decided to sit out for the honor of judging his "children." First was Natsu, who wore a vast, cocky grin that made Makarov sigh in resignation. The master knew that nothing good would come from whatever ice cream Natsu had made.

"I call it, Hot as Hell!" Natsu announced while thrusting a bowl of bright red liquid forward. "It has habanero peppers, hot sauce, chili powder, and wasabi, match heads, gun powder, C4-"

"WHAT?" Makarov was truly baffled. How anyone was dumb enough to put explosives into a frozen treat, he had no idea.

"You know, for that extra kick."

"Natsu, that's not even ice cream. That's soup." Makarov inwardly grinned. Since it was technically soup and not ice cream he didn't have to eat it. "You're disqualified."

"But you haven't even tried it! And it's not even ready to serve!" Natsu made a blowtorch like flame and held it up to the ice cream. "_Now_ it's ready." For such a small amount of ice cream, the chemical reaction between the fire and explosives sure caused a messy clean up. The contest also ended up being canceled due to the overly "creative" concoction Natsu made.

International Joke Day: July 1

During the clean up that day, the many glares he was receiving caused Natsu to try to lighten the mood.

"Hey, Erza, what do you call a cold cow?" No response. "Ice cream!" The air suddenly became filled with a blood thirsty killing intent as everyone's glares turned murderous.

World U.F.O Day: July 2

"Oh my Mashima! Romeo, look up there! It's a U.F.O!" Macao pointed skywards while tring to get the attention of his son. He had planned this prank with the help of Wakaba (whom was trying to get Romeo to look up as well) and Reedus. When at last Romeo capitulated and looked above, he was met with a pulchritudinous, azure sky. No cloud was there to blemish its perfection and there was definitely no U.F.O. Romeo sighed and looked disdainfully at his beloved father.

"You know this only proves that I was right when I said you were way too drunk to appear in public." Romeo then gained a thoughtful expression. "Although, I suppose this could mean you're getting old. They say the eyes are the first to go-" Macao grabbed his son's ear with an angry vein throbbing in his temple.

"I'll show you old, you little brat!"

I Forgot Day: July 2

"Reedus! You were supposed to draw a U.F.O for us!" Wakaba berated the art mage whose only defense was, "I forgot."

Build a Scarecrow Day: First Sunday

Lucy watched regretfully as Natsu and Happy merrily constructed a garden guardian for her. Earlier, she had mentioned to them her intention to start growing some flowers in the small area in front of her apartment. The pair declared that she needed a scarecrow to ward off unwanted visitor. Her argument that scarecrows are designed to _scare crows_ away from _vegetables_ fell on deaf ears. She ended up watching them craft her lawn ornament while occasionally adding her thoughts on the figure.

"What is he going to wear?"

"A vest!"

"Why does he have a turnip for a head?"

"Because, he is Sir Turnip on a Pole!"

"Aye!"

And so, Sir Turnip on a Pole's quest began. He remained in Lucy's small garden, protecting her flowers from…um…butterflies or something.

Compliment Your Mirror Day: July 3

When Mira found out about Compliment Your Mirror Day, she encouraged everyone to participate. The only one who took her seriously was her brother, Elfman. Elfman had stood up in front of the mirror with a piece of paper inscribed with something he had thought of earlier. He wanted it to sound poetic [the hell?] as to thank the mirror for portraying his manly physique.

"Mirror, mirror on the stand,

you are a most manly man!"

Disobedience Day: July 3

Lucy was fighting an unbelievable amount of dark guild henchmen on a mission. She needed to get rid of them all or she'd be a goner. Luckily, it seemed the blond mage was near a lake so she summoned Aquarius. When the spirit appeared, she grinned evilly.

"I was hoping you would call me out today. My actions are actually justified!" Lucy's expression turned confused.

"What do you-" She had no time to finish her sentence as the whole shore suddenly flooded, taking the dark guild mages (and Lucy) with it.

"TODAY'S DISOBIDIENCE DAY, BITCH!"

Sidewalk Egg Frying Day: July 4

Natsu sat on the concrete outside Fairy Tail with a raw egg on the ground. He was waiting for it to fry since summer meant hot weather and hot weather meant hot surfaces. So here he was, trying to fry an egg on the sidewalk but to no avail.

"Maybe you did it wrong. Maybe it's supposed to be a fish, not an egg." Happy chimed in. Lucy was walking casually down the street but stopped when she saw them. Curious, she approached her tow best friends who were sitting on the ground watching a raw egg.

"What are you guys doing?" she inquired the two of them.

"Trying to fry an egg on the sidewalk." Natsu blandly stated since he was losing his patience with the egg. Incredulous, Lucy stated the obvious to her friend.

"But, Natsu, it's raining."

Workaholic's Day: July 5

"Natsu, enough with the missions, already!" Lucy groaned as she was led to the mission board for the _fifth_ time that day.

"But we have to keep doing missions. It's Workaholic's Day!" Cana, who happened to be sitting at a table near the mission board, spit out her liquor in a classic movie fashion.

"Workaholic's Day? I thought it was Alcoholic's Day!"

National Fried Chicken Day: July 6

"Natsu, what the _hell_ are you doing?"

"I'm celebrating National Fried Chicken Day."

"It's _fried _chicken, dumbass! Juvia, help! Fried's on fire!"

Chocolate Day: July 7

Being the nice person she is, Mira decided to bring chocolate for everyone in the guild. She even brought some Chocovine for the, ahem, alcoholics. Mira was very happy about the enjoyment that came with her thoughtful present. Well…until Lucy came to the bar with a mind boggling question.

"Hey, Mira, do you think I can give a piece to Plue? He is a dog but he's also a spirit, so does that cancel out or something?" Mira opened her mouth to reply but stopped. She stood there for ten minutes with a befuddled expression before she finally answered with an affirmative.

"Feed him a piece and hope for the best."

National Strawberry Sundae Day: July 7

Erza was immensely happy. She had no idea strawberry sundaes were _that _good. It was almost as good as strawberry short cake! Even though Erza was feeling blissfully euphoric, her exterior remained as stoic as ever. Occasionally, she would smile and scare the living crap out of everyone but…all well.

Teddy Bear Picnic Day: July 10

Gray was feeling extremely pissed off. He had lost a bet to the fire dragon slayer and had to accompany Wendy to a picnic. Not just any picnic, mind you, but a _teddy bear_ picnic. Wendy was, after all, a child and in the grown up world she lived in, a break was necessary every now and then. She should be allowed to act her age sometimes. And Gray was somehow stuck in this situation. When they reached a small clearing, Wendy laid out the blanket and set the food out. Charle and Gray sat down as Wendy arranged the bears.

"Thank you for joining us today, Mr. Cuddles. Is that a new tie, Sir Stuffles? It looks _dashing_. Oh, Madam Bearnise, have you lost weight?" Gray was flabbergasted. _She's making small talk with the teddy bears!_ Gray thought dumbstruck.

"You've got to be _shitting_ me!"  
>"Gray, language!" An angry voice berated behind him. Gray turned to see a familiar red head glowering at him.<p>

"Erza? What are you doing here?"

"I was invited." Erza stated and held up a small, brown teddy bear with button eyes. "Now I advise you to watch your mouth because neither I nor Mr. Fluffy wants to hear your vulgar language."

Cheer Up the Lonely Day: July 11

Even though the seventh was a few days ago, Natsu and Lucy were still depressed about their parents' anniversaries. Natsu wouldn't even react when Gray insulted his strength. He only sighed and said, "I know." Lucy didn't go to the guild at all and that worried everyone. So, Gray and Juvia hatched a plan to get their friends out of their melancholy state. They enlisted the help of many other members in their plan. And so, operation Don't Worry, Be Happy (or Gazille's suggestion: Operation Cheer Up, Damn it!) was under way.

"You know Natsu," Gray began with a smirk on his face. "I think the reason you're so weak is because you were raised by a sissy dragon!" Gray was currently at Natsu's house, implementing his plan. So far, the results were satisfactory. Natsu's eye twitched as he faced the ice mage.

"What did you say?" Natsu's tone was dangerous, verging on deadly.

"He said the reason you're so stupid is because Igneel had a pea sized brain and passed it on to you!" Gazille's shout from outside the house caused Natsu to grit his teeth in anger. Gazille and Gray bolted away from Natsu's house in direction of the guild with a livid Natsu pursuing.

Meanwhile, at Lucy's house, Juvia and Cana were trying to get a rise out of the blonde mage.

"Juvia thinks Lucy's mom was a horrible mage, like Lucy!" Juvia mentally apologized for this. She didn't want the girl to hate her but she had a script to follow.

"How'd she die, anyway? An overdose?" Cana was already drunk so whatever she told the blond girl would be offensive. Lucy had more patience that Natsu but when she finally cracked and began to chase her friends with her whip, the other girls hightailed it to the guild. Natsu and Lucy burst through the guild doors at the same time and both were ready to commit a homicide.

"Surprise!" Everyone shouted to the two confused people who just walked in. "Happy Cheer Up the Lonely Day!"

World Population Day: July 11

"Okay, Natsu, how many people do you think there are worldwide?"

"Uh…106?"

SMACK!

"See what you did? Twenty innocent brain cells had to die because of you!"

Pecan Pie Day: July 12

"Yay! It's Puh-cahn Pie Day!" Levi shrieked waving a fork in the air.

"It's _pee-can_, not _puh-cahn_." Gazille corrected hotly.

"Nuh-uh! It's puh-cahn! Right Jet, Droy?" The two boys indicated nodded an affirmative. "See, I'm right." Not wanting to lose the argument, Gazille began to bring in the bystanders.

"Oi, Nudist! Is it puh-cahn or pee-can?" Gray frowned at the nickname before replying.

"It's pee-can."

"Juvia agrees with Gray-sama!" The water mage gazed lovingly at the ice mage.

"No, it's definitely puh-cahn." Lucy put in.

"How can you say that? It's pee-can!" Natsu argued back.

"Aye!"

"No, Natsu, you're wrong. It's puh-cahn." Erza retaliated. The results of this argument caused an orthodox brawl to break out over the proper pronunciation of the word pecan.

Barbershop Music Appreciation Day: July 13

Lucy's eye twitched in irritation as she tried to block out the music around her. For some unexplainable reason, Natsu, Gray, Erza, and Gazille had formed a barbershop quartet and were singing loudly (and off key) for the whole guild to hear. Lucy was on the verge of leaving but she actually did when Erza emitted an inhumanly low note.

Fool's Paradise Day: July 13

_That_ would explain the quartet.

Embrace Your Geekness Day: July 13

After she received a note saying it was safe to return, Lucy finally went back to the guild. Upon entering, she was called over to a table by Levi and the two promptly began to talk about books. They started to do impersonations of characters and recite quotes they liked until they were interrupted by a certain fire mage.

"Lucy! Stop infecting Levi with your weirdness!"

National Nude Day: July 14

This was definitely Gray's favorite holiday. No one could tell him to put on his clothes since _technically_ he was celebrating a holiday. If someone tried to get him to redress he would simply hold up a calendar. It was going great until Erza saw him.

"Gray! Put on some damn pant, there are children here!"

Pandemonium Day: July 14

Due to Gray's earlier antics, a cyclopean skirmish erupted in Fairy Tail and spilled over onto the streets of Magnolia. Unfortunately, the council was unable to do anything about it since, theoretically, they were observing a holiday.

Tapioca Pudding Day: July 15

"Tapioca Pudding Day?" Natsu gagged at the dessert that was offered to him. "Gross! That's for old people!" He grabbed the goop and gave it to the person behind him. "Here, Gildartz."

Cow Appreciation Day: July 15

"For the last time, no!"

"Aw, c'mon Lucy. Just _one _hug!"

"I said no, Taurus!"

"But it's Cow Appreciation Day!"

"Shut up, you damn pervert!"

National Ice Cream Day/Peach Ice Cream Day: Third Sunday/July 17

Sadly, no one participated in these holidays due to the ice cream incident earlier in the month. Natsu was locked up when he mentioned it.

Yellow Pig Day: July 17

Mira and Lisanna decorated the guild with small yellow pigs in correspondence with the holiday. The sisters were also having fun transforming into yellow pigs to add to the fun. The lugubrious expressions that replaced their smiles when Fried told them what the holiday was really about made many want to kill him.

"It actually has nothing to do with pigs. It's a math holiday."

National Caviar Day: July 18

"Hey, Mira, what's caviar?" Happy asked the cheery bartender.

"It's something rich people eat!"

"But what is it made of?" Happy inquired once more. Mirajane's smile never quivered as she answered, "I have no idea." Happy decided to ask the only (former) rich person he knew.

"Lucy, what's caviar?"

"Caviar?" Lucy repeated for clarification and the cat nodded. "It's just fish—" Happy flew off before she finished her sentence. "Eggs."

National Raspberry Cake Day: July 19

Erza was crestfallen. She had fasted for three days so that she could eat all the strawberry cake she wanted today. It was all for naught, though, since it was _raspberry _cake not strawberry. Her whole plan was shot in the head when Mira told the swordsman her mistake. Her despondence only grew as she watched all her teammates eat the creation that caused her so much misery. After an hour, the swordsman was so aggravated that she ended up boycotting the villainous dessert. The situation got so out of hand (Erza was having strip searches to get rid of the stuff. Gray didn't seem to mind though…) that Mira had to intervene.

"Erza, just because it's not strawberry cake day doesn't mean you can't eat it."

Moon Day: July 20

"Gray, it's not that kind of moon! Put your pants back on!"

Ugly Truck Day: July 20

_In Edolas_

"That is an ugly-ass truck alright." Lucy Ashley commented. Natsu Dragion frowned at the blonde's appraisal.

"_This _is actually my favorite truck. You don't need to be mean to it just because it's ugly." Natsu began to stroke the truck. "Don't worry, Bessie. You're beautiful where it counts; on the inside." Lucy's laughter could be heard echoing all throughout Edolas.

National Junk Food Day: July 21

"Guess what, Lucy!" Natsu ran up to his blond friend. "Today's your favorite holiday!"

"Kill an idiot day?" Lucy's eyes brimmed with hope.

"What? No, it's National Junk Food Day!" And another fifty innocent brain cells died from the smack Natsu received.

Rat Catcher's Day: July 22

In honor of the strange holiday, the members of Fairy Tail decided to throw a party for the resident rat catchers (meaning Happy, Charle, and Panther Lily). The plan was to keep the cats distracted until that evening and so far it wasn't going too well. Natsu had taken Happy fishing so as to distract him. Natsu, however, was unable to keep his mind from straying to what was going to happen later.

"I love parties!"  
>"What?"<p>

"I mean fishing."

"Okay…."

"And surprises."

"Huh?"

"I said, 'and soup.'"

"Alright then…."

Wendy wasn't distracting her cat well either. Being an innocent child meant she was an awful liar.

"Are you ready to go to the guild yet, Wendy?"

"No!"

"Why?"

"We can't…."

"Why not?"  
>"Because…there's a rat infestation!"<p>

Charle paused.

"You do realize I'm a cat, right?"

Gazille had slightly better luck keeping his cat occupied.

"Ha! Yahtzee! Take that, bitch!"

"Rematch!" Panther Lily took out a deck of cards and dealt them. "We play my game now."

"…."

"….  
>"Got any twos?"<p>

"Go fish."

After about six hours of various board games (Monopoly, Scrabble, Life, etc.), it was finally time for the party. The cats and dragon slayers made their way to the guild for the celebration. Luckily, none of the cats had found out (even though Gazille used words like "party", "surprise", "cats", and "distraction" while playing Scrabble) about the party. They were truly surprised and enjoyed themselves for the most part. At least until Happy pointed out that they had never caught a rat.

Hammock Day: July 22

Since Cana had been utterly wasted the day before, she decided to relax and let her hangover recede. So she kicked back in a hammock and slept until it was dark out. Then she went to the guild to get drunk _again_. Someone should really send her to an A.A meeting….

National Hot Dog Day: July 23

"Here, Elfman." Lisanna handed her brother a hot dog she bought from a sweaty vendor a few minutes prior.

"What is it?"

"It's a hot dog. Haven't you had one before?" Elfman shook his head at this and took a bite. His eyes grew wide and filled with an emotion that could only be described as utter bliss.

"It's…it's…IT'S MANLY!" He quickly gobbled up the rest and ran off to buy another.

"Great. Just don't ask what it's made of."

Vanilla Ice Cream Day: July 23

Trying to redeem himself, Natsu decided to buy four tons of vanilla ice cream to bring to the guild. He placed the gargantuan containers in the back of the guild and left the containers open to thaw. On his way out of the room he tripped over the edge of one of the containers and it fell over on to the floor. Since it was still frozen, nothing fell out.

"It's fine. It's not like it's going to melt very fast." Natsu said to himself as he left the room. He slammed the door shut which caused the container on the floor to roll into the other containers and caused them to fall onto their sides as well. Three hours later, Cana passed by the door on her way to the room where the liquor was stored. She paused when she saw a large milky puddle right outside one of the rooms. Cautiously, she went over to the door ad carefully opened it. She regretted the action instantly. An enormous amount of white, milky "soup" flowed out of the room and flooded the guild. By the time it all drained out into the streets (which they would have to clean), everyone was sticky and soaked to the bone. Natsu (somehow the only one clean) sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "I _knew _I was forgetting something." And so Natsu was beaten to a bloody pulp and the rest of the guild had to clean up his mess.

Parent's Day: Fourth Sunday

Cana held the holiday card tightly behind her back. She was trying to muster the courage to give it to her father but was failing miserably. She ended up getting drunk and giving it to Lucy for her to send to her dad. Lucy was too nervous to send it as well and ended up giving it to Romeo. Romeo gave it to his father who read the card and promptly fainted. Apparently, Cana had already written in the card.

_Dad,_

_Surprise! You have a daughter and I figured the best way to tell you was through this holiday card._

_Love,_

_Cana_

Culinarian's Day: July 25

Against his better judgment, Makarov decided to host a cooking contest. Mirajane and he would be the judges (since allowing Mira to compete would be unfair) and once more the competitors could enter by themselves or as teams. Natsu was not allowed to participate at all and was shipped away on a "mission" ("Natsu, your mission is to locate and bring back the legendary sword, Excalibur"). After three hours in which the contestants slaved in hot kitchens working on their entries, it was time for the judging. This time, Gazille was first. He placed a gorgeous cake in front of the master and Mira. The cake had a silvery hue to it and seemed to reflect their surroundings. When Makarov tried to place his fork in the dessert, he was met with tremendous resistance. After five minutes during which Makarov struggled to rip a piece off, the master gave up.

"What the hell is this made of?" Makarov inquired, exasperated.

"Steel." Gazille's reply caused Makarov to literally throw the iron dragon slayer out and call for the next contestant. Happy and Charle came in with a still hot fish fillet which made both Makarov's and Happy's mouths water. When Charle handed the dish to the judges, Happy broke down sobbing.

"B-but I wanted to eat it!"

"Too bad!" Happy sulked in a corner while Makarov cut a piece and bit into it. His face paled before turning a sickly green. He spit the food out (Happy shrieked in horror) and proceeded to the bathroom to hurl.  
>"How could you? Flying fish fillet is supposed to be the food of the gods!"<p>

Threading the Needle Day: July 25

Natsu and Gray were having an argument (about something pointless) in which both of the mages believed themselves to be right. The master was MIA (due to earlier events) and so the task to mediate the dispute fell (unofficially) on Erza. The problem was Erza had no idea who was right in the squabble. She decided to ask the stellar spirit mage for her input.

"Just get them to compromise." Lucy told the redhead. "You know, _thread the needle_." Lucy didn't intend for the metaphor to be taken literally even though that's exactly how the swordsman took it. She ended up threading two sewing needles and jabbing them into the corneas of her two good friends.

"Stop behaving like children and find a middle ground!" Somehow it all worked out since the pain of the pointy object in the boys' eyes caused the two to forget about their spat. By some divine force, neither suffered any permanent eye damage although the two did walk around with eye patches for a while. By the way, if you were wondering about the outcome of Natsu's mission, the result was inconclusive. The dragon slayer refuses to speak of it for some reason….

All or Nothing Day: July 26

"All or Nothing Day?"

"Yeah. It's a pretty vague day but a lot of the other mages are celebrating by giving it 'their all' on missions." Erza thought for a moment before flashing a devious (if not emotionally scarring) smirk.

"I know what _I_ am going to do." And that is how Erza gave it her "all", obtained nothing, and beat the daylights out of the dealers and gamblers at the casino she went to. She ended up being dragged home by an injured Natsu and a sighing Lucy. [That, in my opinion anyway, is why Erza was at a casino in the Rave cross over chapter.]

Take Your Pants for a Walk Day: July 27

"…."

"…."

"Gray?"

"Yes, Erza?"

"When you take your pants for a walk, you have to actually keep them _on_."

"Oh…."

"And Gray?"

"Yeah?"

"WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS STRIP IN FRONT OF CHILDREN?"

National Milk Chocolate Day: July 28

On this holiday the guild decided to gorge their selves on chocolate. No, seriously. That's all they did. What? You were expecting something funny? I do _not_ joke about chocolate.

National Lasagna Day: July 29

"So…tell me again why I'm being painted orange?"

"Because it's National Lasagna Day and it'll be funny." Happy gave Lucy a skeptical look.

"If you say so." Thus, Happy ate lasagna (which he found absolutely disgusting) while Lucy called him Garfield. Unfortunately, it was all for nothing since no one really understood the cosplay.

National Cheesecake Day: July 30

"Natsu, for the _fifth_ time, cheesecake is not an animal that was made by crossbreeding cheese and a cake. No, it was not genetically altered nor placed inside a surrogate mother that was a pie. American cheese does not exist and I don't know where you came up with that word. And no, cheesecake does not grow on trees."

"But what if a mouse and a giant cake monster got 'jiggy with it' and had babies?"

"Okay, Natsu, for the _sixth _time…"

Mutt's Day: July 31

"Happy Mutt's Day, Plue!" Lucy excitedly told her dog spirit.

"Puun."

"What? Are you a pureblood?"

"Pu-puun."

"A pureblood what?" Lucy questioned the spirit as well as those around her. Natsu unhelpfully put in, "Snowman?"

* * *

><p>I really hope you enjoyed this. If you laughed, then my mission is acomplished. I plan to do one of these every month but...we'll see how that goes. On another note, I kind of got curious while writing the pecan pie story and I want to know how you people say it. I'm curious on which is more popular. So review, favorite or something. Again, I really don't care either way.<p> 


	2. August

Huh. I actually updated. Anybody else surprised? Strangely, there weren't that many food holidays...Anyway, here's the next chapter of Holidays.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail, any recipe for chocolate cake, Pirates of the Caribbean, Monopoly the board game, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Harry Potter, The Inheritance Cycles, The Dresden Files, the Harry Potter Musical, or any song whose lyrics are mentioned. I do, unfortunately, own all the bad poems. Ugh...

* * *

><p>August<p>

"I can't believe it's finally August. You must be in pretty high spirits, right Happy?" Happy looked confusedly at the barmaid he was conversing with.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, because it's National Catfish Month!"

"Catfish?" Happy's eyes widened before he began shrieking. "That's sick and twisted! I can't believe someone would create a cat and fish hybrid! The delicious fish cannot be eaten because of the cat part! It would make me a cannibal!" Happy continued to wail at the supposed conundrum. He was silenced when Mira handed him a charred fish on a plate. Happy visibly drooled. "What kind of fish is that?"

"Catfish."

National Raspberry Cream Pie Day: August 1

"Give me more pies!"

"We can't! There aren't any ready yet and we're baking as fast as we can!" The dubbed "commander" swore under his breath at this.  
>"Dammit, Levi! We can't let General Hothead win this war!" Levi gave Gray an incredulous look before mumbling a reply.<p>

"It's just a pie war, you dumb mother fu-"

"Levi, more pies ready for Commander Gray!"

National Ice Cream Sandwich Day: August 2

Evergreen was calmly brushing her minty locks at a table near the bar when Bixlow approached her. He lazily sat next to the woman and was quiet for a few minutes before his stomach growled.

"Hey, Evergreen? Can you go get me an ice cream sandwich?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I'm busy."

"BITCH, GO GET ME A-" Bixlow realized his mistake too late. Moments later, a statue that eerily looked like the doll mage adorned the guild.

National Watermelon Day: August 3

"Grapefruit?"

"No, it's definitely cantaloupes."

"No way! But…you may be right. I think they're some sort of melon."

"Then…watermelons?"

"Yes! Definitely watermelons!"

"What the _hell_ are you two talking about?"

"Today's holiday. What did you _think_ we were talking about?"

Work Like a Dog Day: August 5

Erza watched as Natsu relaxed in a lounge chair with a large beverage (which may or may not have been kerosene) in hand.

"What are you doing, Natsu?"

"I'm working like a dog." Came the reply. Erza raised a scarlet eyebrow.

"How are you doing that, exactly?" Natsu gestured to the white dog/spirit next to him.

"By acting like Plue."

"But he doesn't do anything."

"Exactly." Erza shrugged before grabbing a seat next to him and plopping down. Mira came over with a tall, strawberry lemonade with a cute, little umbrella. The two of them continued to "work like dogs" for the rest of the day and by doing so did no work whatsoever.

Daughter's Day: Seventh Day of the Seventh Lunar Month

Mr. Heartfilia had told the seventh daughter's story many times to his daughter (before he became estranged). Even though he knew Layla found the story romantic, he refused to hope for the same situation to happen to his daughter. In fact, after Lucy told her father that she wanted to find her husband the same way, Mr. Heartfilia began a sword collection.

National Mustard Day: First Sunday

Elfman gazed longingly at the hot dog stand. He really wanted one of the manly sausages but, sadly, he had no money. Wistfully, he walked back to the guild to (mannishly) sulk. He was greeted by his elder sister and a handful of jewels.

"I forgot to pay you back for that time you bought me a smoothie." She explained. Elfman took the money and ran back to the stand to buy the meaty food.

"Ya' want mustard?"

"What?"

"Mustard." Elfman nodded his head, wanting to try the condiment. He took a large bite and promptly choked.

"It's…NOT MANLY!" Elfman gagged and spit out the gross substance. To think a whole day was dedicated to the yellowy condiment was unbelievable.

Wiggle Your Toes Day: August 6

"That's gross, Natsu! Cut it out!" Lucy berated, gesturing to the pink haired boy's feet.

"Cut what out?" Natsu inquired while spreading his toes apart even further.

"That! That's gross and creepy!" Natsu looked at his feet. His toes were all stretched apart using nothing but muscle. None of his toes touched at all and the freaky wiggling was making the blonde queasy.

"This? This is nothing!" Natsu then began to move his big toe individually while keeping his other toes completely still.

"Ew! Natsu!" Upon hearing the shriek, Erza approached the pair and threatened the fire mage.

"Move them again and I'll cut them off!"

Friendship Day: First Sunday

Lucy sighed as she once again came home to find her teammates already at her house. Erza was sleeping in an armchair with Happy snoozing on the back of it. The two snored softly and Lucy cracked a smile. Natsu was sprawled on the couch and she decided to stay away from him (lest she get punched again). Gray was half naked and propped upside-down on the wall. Natsu had probably thrown him there and he had seemingly dozed off (fell unconscious) like that. Lucy smiled warmly and found a spot on the floor and fell asleep near her friends.

International Forgiveness Day: First Sunday

Lucy's happiness was short-lived however. Gray had woken up and attacked Natsu whose roar of rage awoke Erza and Happy and his whining about being hungry caused Lucy to wake up and begin yelling at her friends to "shut the hell up and get out of her apartment."

"But, Lucy, we were going to go on a mission! You need rent money, right?" Lucy thought about it for a few moments before sighing and agreeing to their request. In Fairy Tail, forgiveness came just as fast as conflict.

Sisters Day: First Sunday

Elfman was overjoyed to be spending Sisters Day with _both_ of his sisters this year. He wanted to do something special and so he got the idea to bake them a cake. He enlisted the help of the female guild members, minus his sisters. Levi had found a recipe for chocolate cake and read the instructions out loud while the other women and Elfman did as she dictated.

"Okay, so first it says to preheat the oven to 350 degrees!" Erza went over and began messing with the dials.

"350 degrees Celsius. Okay, Levi, what's next?"

"Hmm…alright, now you need to grease and flour a 9 by 13 inch pan." Laki grabbed a big bowl of chicken grease, which had yet to be thrown away, and poured it into the pan. Bisca ran outside and took some flowers and laid them in the chicken grease.

"Now what?"

"In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Make a well in the center." Elfman grabbed a large bowl and placed some of the leftover flowers into the bowl. Lucy began looking for sugar but could only find the salt.

"We're out of sugar." Lucy's eyes then fell on Cana and a metaphorical light bulb went off above her head. "But we can use rum! It's fermented sugar!" Lucy grabbed all the rum in the guild and poured all of it into the bowl. Cana looked from the alcohol to the spot it had recently vacated and sighed.

"So _that's_ why the rum's always gone." Wendy approached the bowl with some chocolate candy bars.

"These will work, right?" Everyone shrugged and in the chocolate went.

"Juvia doesn't think we need baking powder _and_ baking soda. Once or the other should be enough." The others agreed and they added the powder since it was the first one they found. Lucy grabbed the salt she found earlier and added at least half of the container. Evergreen stirred the concoction and began to sculpt a well in the batter. She even gave the well a little roof and sign that said, "Fairy Tail Wishing Foundation."

"Now we add eggs, coffee, buttermilk, oil, and vanilla." Erza dropped a dozen eggs into the mixture (without separating them) and began adding leftover coffee grounds. Juvia added milk and Bisca threw in four sticks of butter.

"What kind of oil does it say, Levi?"

"Mmm…doesn't say. I guess any kind is fine." Cana ran out of the guild and returned moments later with a gallon of gasoline. She splashed in the oil, drunkenly missing the bowl a few times. Laki put some vanilla beans into the substance and looked to Levi for further instruction. "Now we beat it on medium for two minutes. Batter will be thin. Then pour into prepared pan."

"I, being the man, shall do the beating!" Elfman began to punch the batter. The substance flew out of the bowl and splattered the surrounding members. After two minutes (some batter was miraculously still in the bowl) the mixture was poured into the greased pan.

"Okay, and now we bake it! Put it in the oven for 30 to 40 minutes and we have to insert a tooth pick and pull it out clean. Then we cool it for ten minutes and put the frosting on!" Bisca placed the "cake" in the oven and looked at the rest of the bakers.

"What do we do for 30 minutes?" Five minutes later the bakers found themselves playing a game of Monopoly. Two hours of seemingly endless frustration later the cake was remembered and removed from the oven. Levi tried to insert the toothpick but found she couldn't. The "cake" was rock hard-no, scratch that-_diamond _hard. Levi broke twelve toothpicks before she deemed it done. Elfman took the cake after the group had frosted it and presented it to his sisters.

"Happy Sisters Day!" Since it was so hard, Elfman brought one of Erza's swords to cut the damn thing. Lisanna and Mira eyed the cake skeptically. "The other girls helped me make it." Elfman began rattling off the process which caused Mira and Lisanna to blanch. "And I made it especially for you two!" The sisters fought a mental battle: they could eat the cake and die a horribly cruel and lame death or they could refuse and live with the guilt of refusing their brother's hard work. Being the kind (and masochistic) women they were, the sisters chose death by (maybe) chocolate.

"It's really good, Elfman." Lisanna shakily complimented. Mira nodded in cautious agreement. The two continued to miserably eat their…uh…well, it certainly wasn't cake.

National Lighthouse Day: August 7

"What are you doing, Idiot?"

"You don't need to know, Droopy Eyes."

"Shut up, Squinty Eyes!" Gray growled at the dragon slayer. Gray, Natsu, Erza and Lucy had gone on a mission to a harbor town. Apparently, the mission was imperative and it requested that the best mages be sent. The mayor, whom had requested the aid, had a tendency to over exaggerate things and the mission turned out to be replacing the giant bulb in the local lighthouse. The job took all of five minutes and Natsu was currently messing with the angle of the light. He aimed the beam at a large cliff and began arranging his hands in front of the light.

"Look, it's a dog!"

"Shadow puppets? What the hell, Natsu?"

Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day: August 8

"Where the hell did all this zucchini come from?" Everyone in Magnolia had woken up with crates of zucchini on their porches. The citizens were furious and so were the local mages (except Lucy who saw the opportunity as less money on food, more money on rent) whom also received the green fruit [I always thought it was a vegetable]. The only person who wasn't upset was Mira. She wore a knowing smile as people ranted about their large quantity of the fruit. At the end of the day, Mira went home to tend to her garden in which she had several zucchini plants.

Book Lover's Day: August 9

Levi and Lucy were, once more, conversing about some of their favorite books.

"Did you read the last book of the _Larry Dotter _series?"

"Of course! I think _The Morose Trinkets_ was the best one yet! Are you excited for the last book of the _Birthright Roundabout _chronicles to come out? I heard it's going to be called _Birthright_."

"Really? I can't wait! Hey, have you read _The Prespen Archives _yet?"

"No, is it any good?" And that's how their whole day went. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be celebrating as well.

Lazy Day: August 10

Everyone was sweltering in the Magnolia heat. Many had long since fallen asleep due to the lazy atmosphere. All was calm since many of the more rambunctious members were fast asleep. Soft snoring and whispered chats could be heard throughout the guild and it would likely remain that way. Well…maybe not considering that Natsu was unaffected and was drawing obscure images on Gray's half naked body. When the ice mage woke up there would undoubtedly be hell. But for now, the lazy atmosphere would lull the member into a sense of calm. You know, before the storm hits.

National S'mores Day: August 10

Makarov looked around the pantry where he _swore _he put a crate of chocolate for s'mores earlier.

"Laki, have you seen-" Laki looked questioningly at the master with brown smudges on her face. "Never mind."

Son and Daughter Day: August 11

On this holiday, Macao decided to spend the whole day with Romeo. The pair agreed to go to the zoo to spend some much needed time together. About ten minutes into being there, Macao realized that he made a mistake. Apparently, it was free zoo day and it seemed as though everyone and their grandmother was there.

"Well, sh-" A strange look from Romeo caused his father to alter his sentence. "shrimp. Let's go see the fish exhibit and look at the shrimp!" The mage and his son pushed their way through throngs of people in order to get to the aquarium. Romeo gazed awestruck at all the different colors and shapes.

"There's so many different fish!"

"Aye!" Romeo turned to see a drooling blue cat. "So many different flavors, which to choose first?" Macao sighed before steering his son away from the soon-to-be arrested cat. The two walked along and went to the tanks for the larger fish. Among the fish were some familiar scuba divers. Warren and Max were in the tank feeding the larger fish. Upon seeing Macao, Max enthusiastically waved at him. The motion startled the larger and more aggressive fish which caused them to begin attacking the scuba diving mages. Their silent screams went unheard as they were mauled by the carnivorous species. Macao covered his son's eyes and left the exhibit.

"Let's go see the zebras!" Macao almost screamed when he saw _another_ familiar face by the zebras. "What the he-" Macao coughed awkwardly. "hedgehog. They don't have any hedgehogs here." Macao glared at the back of a certain mage who was painting the zebras. "So, Romeo, where do you want to go next?"

"Um…can we go by the pony rides?" Macao laughed at his son before nodding. Of course a kid would want to ride the horses.

"300 jewels per ride." The blond attendant smiled at Macao as he gaped.

"Lucy? Why are you _here_?" Macao couldn't believe it. It was his day off and he kept running into his fellow guild members everywhere.

"A lot of the zoo staff is sick so some of us are doing their jobs." Lucy paused and frowned. "However, _some_ people came here just to be obnoxious." Lucy growled. Macao sighed and handed her the money. Lucy let Romeo on the pony for a few minutes before his time was up and the father-son duo were wondering where to go next.

"Goats?"

"Sure." When they arrived at the goats, though, they changed their minds. Capricorn was running around the pen, causing the goats to faint in horror at his hybrid form. "I changed my mind. Let's go to the aviary." Macao nodded to his son and the two headed over to the bird exhibit. When they went inside the building, they were met with some zookeepers (thankfully not Fairy Tail members) yelling at Wakaba to stop smoking. Macao smacked his forehead with his palm and pretended not to know the smoker. They avoided the scene and continued on to the area with the actual birds. Romeo watched the ones on the ground and laughed at their waddling. Macao smiled and looked above. His smile was wiped off his face when he saw two silhouettes that definitely weren't birds flying above. Charle and Panther Lily were "observing" the birds' flight patterns since both had lost their dragon slayers (Wendy was at the playground and Gazille was eating pieces of the cages) a while ago. Macao made a hasty retreat out of the aviary and to the wolves' exhibit. Macao growled under his breath at the new sight. Erza was in the wolf cage and, from the looks of it the wolves were making her their alpha.

"Hey, Dad? I'm kind of hungry. Can we get something to eat?" Macao nodded and the two went over to a nearby snow cone stand.

"One, please." Macao said, not even looking at the man as he shifted through his wallet.

"100 jewels." Macao blanched at the voice. His head shot up and his pupils met the droopy eyes of a certain ice mage.

"Gray? You're selling snow cones?"

"Yes." Gray plainly stated before grabbing the money and scooping the ice into a paper cup. "Cherry or blue raspberry?"

"Cherry!" Romeo happily took the snow cone and waved goodbye to Gray. A roar from the nearby lion cage caught the boy and his father's attention. The two glanced at the cage before audibly sighing at the sight. Loki was in a "heated argument" with some of the lions in the cage. "Dad?"

"Just ignore it, Romeo." Macao and Romeo decided to go see the monkeys before they left the zoo. Upon their arrival at the primates the father and son were met with boisterous cries from the gorilla habitat. Natsu and Elfman were challenging the apes to some sort of fight and causing a huge ruckus. The mage and his son bolted out of the zoo, not stopping until they were far enough away. When the zoo was in the distance, Romeo began to keel over and laugh.

"Today was fun, Dad."

"Yeah but tomorrow I'm going to murder those morons."

Middle Child's Day: August 12

Let's just say that Mira and Lisanna got their revenge on their brother for the cake incident.

National Creamsicle Day: August 14

Somehow, Gray got roped into manning a popsicle stand in the middle of a crowded playground on a sultry day. Juvia smiled in complete bliss since she had went along to help her love. The blistering heat had caused Gray to strip (and Juvia to faint) many times and be scolded by a baking Erza. The swordswomen was "entertaining" (scaring) some children at a birthday party while Gray and Juvia boiled in the calescent sun.

"Can I have a red one?" A little, chubby boy asked the ice mage. Gray nodded and handed the boy a red creamsicle. The young boy looked at it skeptically. "Is it sugar free?"

"You didn't ask for sugar free."

"My mom doesn't let me have sugar." Gray sighed before giving the boy the correct frozen treat. "Is it artificially flavored?"

"What?" Gray practically snarled. Juvia nodded her head yes.

"I'm only allowed to eat ones made with real fruit." Gray narrowed his eyes.

"Fine." Gray handed the boy a cherry creamsicle.

"Is it gluten free?"

"What the hell is gluten?" The boy covered his ears at the swear. Juvia sighed and handed the boy a new popsicle.

"How cold is it? I just got my cavities filled and I don't want my teeth to hurt." Gray silently seethed as Juvia checked the temperature. "That's too cold. I don't want one after all." The boy gave Juvia back the popsicle and Gray exploded.

"You little shit!" Gray tackled the boy and began force feeding him the creamsicle. Well, until he was pried off the kid and brutally murdered by Erza.

Relaxation Day: August 15

"Why is everyone fighting?"

"Because it's Relaxation Day."

"What about fighting is relaxing?"

"The adrenalin that flows through your veins when you relieve built up stress via a punch in the face!"

National Tell a Joke Day: August 16

Cana decided that today would be the day she told Gildartz about her being his daughter. She was extremely nervous and sober and desperately wanted her booze so as to ease her mind. She steeled herself against the burning desire and approached the S class mage.

"Um…Gildartz?" The older mage turned to face the brown haired girl with a brow raised.

"Yes?" The whole guild was watching the odd display with questioning looks. The only one who had the vaguest idea about what was going on was Lucy. Cana took a deep breath, not wanting to beat around the bust.

"I'm…your daughter." There was a long pause that was finally broken when Gildartz started laughing. The rest of the guild soon followed with their own bellows.

"That's a good one Cana!"  
>"I never knew Cana had a sense of humor!"<p>

"She's probably just really drunk!"

"I'm not drunk! I'm completely sober!" Louder laughter erupted from the members.

"Cana, sober? That's a laugh!"

"As if!" She gave up and went to the bar and asked Mira for some much need booze. Cana drank it until she was laughing with the guild and the daughter incident was far from her mind.

National Thrift Shop Day: August 17

Juvia loved the junk gold mines. There was so much stuff at thrift stores (not necessarily at optimum quality) and Juvia loved to see what she could find. She had been in the store for ten minutes and she already had a gray bowling ball (even though she doesn't bowl), a gray lampshade, and a new pair of silver earrings. She was about to check out but stopped when her eyes fell upon a head of pink hair. _Natsu-san must like thrift shops too!_ Juvia happily thought and her eyes fell on his cart. She nearly dropped all of her items. Natsu seemed to have at least half of the store in his cart! The cart was spilling over with random, useless crap that he probably didn't even want. _Juvia never knew Natsu-san was a hoarder!_

Bad Poetry Day: August 18

"Thou art offending to the eye,

When children see thee, they cry!"

Many loud groans sounded throughout the guild. Natsu and Gray were having a verbal insult battle and somewhere along the line they began to insult each other in poetry.

"I may make children cry, but they scream for you!

Thou art so stupid, thou cannot count to two!"

"Gray is annoying

And a complete pervert

He should be put away."

"I dislike Natsu

He is a huge piece of shit

I wish he would die."

"Gray is weak

Not even chic

He hardly wears clothes, not even ties

And others agree he has droopy eyes!"

"Natsu is incredibly stupid

And his smell is simply putrid!

I can't wait until he dies

So I never have to look at his squinty eyes!"

"You're-" Erza cut off the comeback.

"Say one more rhyme

And I'll hit you into another time!"

National Radio Day: August 20

"_Ice, ice baby,"_ Natsu (and some other guild members) grumbled at Gray's music taste. The guild had bought a new radio which turned out to be a heinous idea; all the guild members were fighting over which station to play. Natsu shoved the ice mage away from the contraption and browsed through stations until he found a good one. _"Burn, baby, burn!"_ Natsu began to smirk but was pushed aside by Lucy who switched the channel to an oldies station. _"Lucy in the sky with diamonds-"_

"That's a stupid song."

"Shut up, Natsu!" While the two argued, Happy changed the station to something classical. Charle's ears perked at the sound of a familiar song.

"This is from the musical _Cats_, right?"

"Aye!" Cana, in a drunken stupor, crashed into the cat that then crashed into the station button and caused it to change.

"_Blame it on the goose, gotcha' feelin' loose-" _Mira changed the station in order to remove the "vulgar" song from her ears. "_You're the devil in disguise, oh-"_ And then the radio was smashed to pieces by the barmaid whose fake smile seemed only to reinforce the lyrics.

Senior Citizens Day: August 21

"Happy Senior Citizens Day, Gild- AH SHIT!"

Be an Angel Day: August 22

Erza glared at the two mages in front of her. Natsu and Gray were fighting just seconds ago and now they had their arms slung across each other's shoulders. Their broad and obviously fake grins tried to fool the swordswoman into thinking she had imagined the bickering.

"We w-weren't fighting, Erza."

"Aye!" Erza continued to scrutinize the males. Her eyes lifted from their forms to behind them and fell on the scorch marks and leftover ice that littered the guild.

"Your halos are crooked."

National Tooth Fairy Day: August 22

Romeo stared at the 100 jewels in his hand. He had received the money the night before after he put his baby tooth under his pillow. The young boy looked at his father with an inquiring gaze.

"So…in a way…everyone in Fairy Tail is a 'fairy,' right?" Macao looked at his son with confused eyes.

"I suppose."

"So…who's the tooth fairy?"

"…."

"…."

"Um…Natsu."

"Natsu?" Romeo tried to picture the fire mage with a tooth scepter, a tiara, a tutu, and fairy wings. The poor boy shuddered. "Oh." Somewhere off in the distance, Natsu sneezed.

Ride the Wind Day: August 23

"Pew pew pew, die you son of a bitch- ah! Damn, a wing wound! Mayday! Mayday! This is BLUE FISH ONE! I'm hit, I'm hit! Mayday, I'm going down! Send hel-"

"Happy! Shut your goddamn mouth and fly like a normal cat!"

"Aye…."

Kiss and Make Up Day: August 25

Bisca glared at the man across from her. She had never been so angry in her whole life!

"Why the hell did you let Max fill my gun's barrel with marshmallows? Are you aware how that could potentially wreck my gun?"

"Of course I'm aware!" Alzack vehemently replied as he narrowed his eyes into thin slits. "I have a gun too, you know!"

"You obviously don't know how to use it."

"What was that?" At this point, the couple was nose to nose and leering right into the other's eyes.

"For Mashima's sake, just kiss and make up already!"

National Dog Day: August 26

"Woof!" A blue dog barked at Lucy. The blonde glared at the animal before spitting out, "Happy, I know it's you."

Woman's Equality Day: August 26

"Gray…you're not a woman."

"Of course I am! I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body!"

"We can see that, Gray. Go put on some pants."

Global Forgiveness Day: August 27

Bisca sighed and looked sincerely at Max.

"Okay, Max. I forgive you for stuffing marshmallows into my gun's barrel." Max smiled at the gunslinger.

"Am I forgiven for the peanut butter in your pistol, too?"

"…."

"…."

"DIE, BITCH!"

Just Because Day: August 27

Happy was thrilled when Charle gave him a fish "just because."

More Herbs, Less Salt Day: August 29

Elfman looked at his recipe for sea salt ice cream (he began to enjoy being in the kitchen) and again at the calendar.

"Well, being festive is manly!" So instead of getting sea salt ice cream, his sisters got basil oregano soup.

Toasted Marshmallow Day: August 30

"Gray! You killed the marshmallows!"

"So? Marshmallows taste like shit anyway."

"Die, you ice bastard!" Natsu defended the marshmallows' hypothetical honor and kicked Gray's ass. Strangely enough (or maybe not) Natsu wasn't the only one lighting the puffy treats on fire.

National Trail Mix Day: August 31

"Natsu, are you sure this is the right way?" Lucy asked her friend, exasperated. They had been walking the path for hours and had yet to reach a town.

"Of course! I've been following the map all day! And yeah, it's taking forever since we have to keep taking different routes since it's National Trail Mix Day." Lucy stopped dead, incredulous. She then turned around while mumbling to herself.

"That's not what it meant, you dumb, mother fu-"

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><p>Like it? Love it? Gotta' have it? These are the cup sizes at a Coldstone Creamery and therefore have no meaning being here. Anyway, leave a review if you liked the chapter or favorite it if you haven't already.<p>

**Note:** I do not respond to favorites. Frankly, typing "thanks for the favorite" is a waste of time but know that I am grateful to those of you who do favorite any way. If you want to personally hear from me, leave a review. So, to all the favoriters, **THANK YOU FROM THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART**! Next installment will be out in September but the date's a little iffy since school starts and I have several advanced classes. Until next month!


	3. September

Holy crap this is late! I'm so very sorry, everyone. I hope you all will forgive me. This chapter is slightly shorter (1 and 2 are about 5000 words and this is about 4000) than the others but that doesn't mean it's not good! Read on!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail, Alice in Wonderland, Inception, Soul Eater, Fullmetal Alchemist, any of the fortunes (except the last one), Jeff Dunham, Cobra Starship, Panic! at the Disco, Bambi, or any cherries jubilee recipe.

* * *

><p>September<p>

Due to the fact that Natsu came over uninvited for breakfast _again_, Lucy decided to ruin the meal she was preparing for the two of them. She burned the eggs and bacon she was making and served some still-frozen hash browns.

"Lucy, this isn't a good breakfast at all! I'm going to have to report you to the B.B.B!"

"The B.B.B?"

"The Better Breakfast Bureau."

"Natsu, there's no such thing!"

"Oh? So I guess you think that the Better Breakfast Month doesn't exist. What comes after August if it's not September?"

"It _is_ September, Natsu."

"So you admit it!"

National Beheading Day: September 2

Lucy cursed the holiday and everything else she could think of. She was running as fast as she could in the long, frilly dress she had apparently chosen to don that morning, for an army of royal guards were chasing the poor mage. The queen, who sent her protectors after the blonde, was screaming for the guards to chop Lucy's head off. The queen, Lucy noticed, looked suspiciously like Ultear.

"Off with her head!" Lucy yelped and pushed her legs to run faster. A snickering to her right alerted Lucy to the presence of a familiar flying cat.

"Happy!"

"Aye! You know, Lucy, this is a really cliché dream you're having. You are such a weirdo." Lucy lurched awake in a cold sweat and found herself propped up against an ash tree.

"Oh…it was all just a dream."

"What was?" Lucy's scream at the sight of Natsu's scruffy suit and top hat could be heard throughout Fiore.

Skyscraper Day: September 3

Gazille was casually walking around an industrial part of Fiore while looking up at the skyscrapers. He had finished his mission in the area early and decided to explore the urbanized city. He was unfamiliar with the tall buildings that people called skyscrapers and couldn't help but stare. He stood near one of the buildings that belonged to some various business firms and craned his neck so he could see the top. Before his eyes met the edge though, he spotted a miniscule speck near the tower that was gradually getting bigger and bigger. Gazille didn't realize it was a pebble until _after_ it hit him.

Newspaper Carrier Day: September 4

Wendy jogged through the streets of Magnolia with a beige messenger bag full of newspapers thumping against her side. She had accepted a solo mission to help deliver papers for a few streets whose normal carrier was out sick. The street she was on also contained Lucy's home so Wendy surmised to visit the stellar spirit mage while she was in the neighborhood. The dragon slayer approached the blonde's door and gave a timid knock. Lucy opened the door after a few moments and gave Wendy a cheery smile.

"It's refreshing when people actually use the door." Wendy smiled and proffered the paper she was supposed to deliver before chatting with her friend. Lucy took it with gratitude and glanced at the front page. Her eyes widened before she started to scold the poor paper girl. "Wendy! How could you deliver these? Did you even look at them?"

"N-no." Lucy showed the frightened girl the front page.

"It shows us standing in front of a demolished town! Everyone's going to hate us now!"

Be Late for Something Day: September 5

Erza glanced at a store's clock and bounded faster. She could not believe that she had allowed herself to be distracted by the new patisserie. Magic Morsels, it was called, sold so many types of strawberry cake that Erza had stood in front of the shop window for a whole five minutes. _Five!_ And now, here she was, sprinting as fast as she could to the train station to go on a mission with Natsu, Gray, Lucy and Happy. Now the train station was in sight and Erza could see her friends waiting near their platform. Erza barreled toward the group at top speed but it seemed that the world was against her. When she finally reached her friends the redhead looked at the clock on the wall across from them before releasing a strangled cry.

"No! I'm late!"

"Yeah, by 14 seconds."

Cheese Pizza Day: September 5

"Laki, where the hell did all this pizza come from?"

"The new Pixie Pizza place. They deliver so we decided to have them cater for a pizza party.

"But where did the money to pay for all these pizzas come from?"

"Your credit card."

"What?"

"Don't worry, Master, most of them are cheese."

"Okay…how many pizzas are there?"

"A hundred. 51 cheeses and the rest have more than two toppings." It was then that Makarov fainted.

Labor Day: First Monday

On which Gazille was able to make Jet and Droy into slaves by claiming he had a picture of Levi in a swim suit. He didn't, of course, but he was able to make her teammates do whatever he wanted for the photos. (1)

Fight Procrastination Day: September 6

….

I'll do this one later.

Read a Book Day: September 6

Lisanna was calmly conversing with her sister when the fire dragon slayer's boisterous laughter caught her attention. She looked in his direction and had to rub her eyes in disbelief at what she saw. Natsu Dragoneel, fire dragon slayer, official moron of Fairy Tail (they had a vote), was _reading._ Thinking it was probably a picture book, Lisanna sauntered over to her friend to inquire what he was reading.

"This." Natsu showed her the cover before letting out a small chuckle. "This book is hilarious!"

"Natsu…that's the Christian Bible."

"I know! It's funny as hell! This Jesus character is a card!"

Neither Rain nor Snow Day: September 7

"And that's why you're not allowed in the guild today." Erza explained to the half naked ice mage and water mage.

"Wait, so you're saying that because it's Neither Rain nor Snow Day Juvia and I aren't allowed to enter the guild?"

"Precisely. Now run off and have fun by yourselves. We will see you both tomorrow." And on that note the swordswomen turned away from her friends and entered the guild. Gray turned toward a fidgeting Juvia in exasperation.

"What now?" Juvia was about to respond but was interrupted by an elderly man who had approached the pair.

"Excuse me," The frail looking man began. "Are you mages of Fairy Tail?"

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"I was wondering if you could give this package to my daughter for me." The old man coughed a few times before continuing. "I would do it myself but I don't think my body could handle it." Gray silently agreed with the man before accepting the package. "Thank you so much! Her name is Leslie and she lives in the Sunny Villa apartment complex down the street." The old man handed Juvia a few hundred jewels and hobbled away. After a few minutes Juvia and Gray arrived at the complex and quickly located Leslie's name on the roster.

"Juvia found it! Leslie Camille, room 4-D." The two went up the stairs to the fourth floor and knocked on the door. After five minutes of no response, Gray began to lose his patience. After ten, he said "screw it all" and froze the doorknob so he could bust the lock and open the door. After their crime, the mages entered the room and began to look around for the girl.

"Dammit! She's not even here!"

"Um…Gray-sama?" Gray turned to his blue haired admirer. Juvia held up a sheet of legal looking paper she found on the ground.

"Eviction notice? Son of a bitch!" Juvia and Gray left the room and went across the hall to inquire where the previous occupant was. Juvia knocked on the door and was greeted by an elderly woman.

"Excuse us but we were wondering if you knew where Leslie Camille is staying right now." The old woman thought about it a moment before answering.

"I believe Leslie is staying at her boyfriend's house right now. He lives over on River Avenue." The two thanked the woman before leaving the apartment building. They asked around to find the exact house of Leslie's boyfriend and approached the correct one.

"If she's not here I'm going to break something." Gray hissed as he rang the doorbell. Juvia silently agreed with the ice mage.

"Leslie!" The man who opened the door nearly tackled Gray but stopped himself just in time. "Oh…you're not her." Gray sighed.

"I take it she's not here." The man sniffled.

"She left me."

"Thank you for your time." Juvia sighed and Gray smashed a light post. The mages started to walk down the street with Gray unconsciously stripping and Juvia feeling lightheaded at the sight.

"Oo, look at _that_ guy!" A manly voice cooed from behind Gray and Juvia. Juvia turned to glare at the owner of the male voice and froze when she spotted him. The man was dressed smartly in a tank top and short, denim skirt. The man's face was caked with makeup and dangling from his neck was a sterling silver necklace with the name Leslie. Juvia threw up in her mouth a little before tapping Gray on the shoulder. When Gray gave the woman his attention she pointed at the drag queen.

"Holy shit! Err…I mean…I think this is for you." Leslie looked puzzled but accepted the package. The cross dresser then turned his attention to the half naked Gray and winked.

"Thanks so much!" And that's when Juvia lost it and beat the shit out of the drag queen who dared to hit on _her_ man.

International Literacy Day: September 8

"What the hell is this shit? There's no pictures!"

Pardon Day: September 8

"_Burp_" Gray belched loudly after drinking a carbonated beverage.

"That was weak." Gazille said to the ice mage. The iron dragon slayer inhaled a large amount of air and belted out a much louder belch. "_That_ is a burp." Cana shoved both of the males away and let out a long, deafening belch that had most of the male guild members clapping in admiration.

"_Excuse you_!"

Teddy Bear Day: September 9

Gazille followed Wendy reluctantly. She had asked him to play with her bears with her and, due to a death glare from Levi, the iron dragon slayer agreed.

"This will be so much fun, Gazille! The last time one of the guild members played with me didn't go very well. Poor Gray." Wendy frowned at the memory of Erza beating the stuffing out of the unfortunate ice mage after he swore at one of the teddy bears. She shook off the memory and smiled at the other dragon slayer. "I'm glad the both of you agreed to play with me today."

"Both?" Gazille gave Wendy an inquiring look. "Who else is coming?" The voice that sounded behind the Gazille scared the living shit out of the unfortunate mage.

"Teddy bears are manly!"

"What the fu-"

Sewing Machine Day: September 10

Lucy decided that she would never allow Wendy to use her sewing machine again. Her thoughts were further enforced by the panicked mewls of one blue cat as he tried to detach his tail from the fabric Wendy had accidently stitched him to.

Swap Ideas Day: September 10

Lucy sighed in resignation. She had asked Levi for some ideas to include in her novel but the blue haired mage didn't have any good ideas and so asked Mira. This in turn led to _everyone_ "contributing" ideas to be in Lucy's book.

"There should be a dragon!"

"The whole story should be a dream! Or even a dream with in a dream! Oh! Maybe you should make one person a dream!"

"You should make it a world where certain people can turn into weapons!"

"Or use alchemy!"

"Morons! Those ideas have already been done!" Lucy began to massage her temples. Today was going to be a long day.

Grandparent's Day: September 11

Nobody could explain why the guild master was so happy that day. The only explanation that anybody could think of was the mysterious letter Makarov received with a lightning bolt stamp.

Make Your Bed Day: September 11

"Natsu! Get out of my goddamn bed! It's already noon!"

National Pet Memorial Day: Second Sunday

Laki's ill-fated hamster was being remembered by its owner on this day. The unfortunate critter had died honorably in battle (he was hit in the crossfire during one of Natsu and Gray's fights).

No News is Good News Day: September 11

Since Mira was unable to keep her mouth shut, she was gagged and locked in a closet for the day. The poor gossiper had all this information and no one to share it with.

Chocolate Milkshake Day: September 12

Erza hoisted a brown cow above her head and violently began to shake it around. The hapless animal mooed in protest of its ill treatment.

"Erza? What the hell are you doing?" Gray approached the animal abusing swordswomen with caution.

"I'm trying to make a chocolate milkshake." Gray gaped at her.

"That's not how you do it! Besides, chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows!"

Defy Superstition Day: September 13

"Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, you know." Lisanna told her sister. A charred Natsu sitting next to her begged to differ.

"Laxus didn't seem to think so."

"Fortune Cookie Day: September 13

"Levi, what does your fortune say?" Levi looked at the water mage for a moment and then broke open her cookie. Levi placed the cookie on the table and read her fortune out loud.

"_By the time you finish reading this, you will have already read it_." Levi frowned at the paper and chucked it into the garbage. She grumpily munched on her cookie while Juvia read hers.

"_Your love will choose someone else-_" Juvia abruptly smashed the cookie and shredded the paper in anger. Levi looked on in horror and chose to divert her attention away from the scene.

"So, uh, Erza? What did your fortune say?" Erza looked at the slip of paper and recited the words out loud.

"_Error 404: Fortune not found_." Erza blinked at the fortune and read it again. "Um…"

"Listen to mine," Evergreen pulled out her slip. "_Help, I'm trapped in a cookie making factory_." Gray (whom was wearing only a pair of boxers) broke open his cookie and read it quietly to himself.

"_Gray, put your pants on—_what the hell?"

National Peanut Day: September 13

"Natsu!" Lisanna growled at her friend as he cackled evilly. The bastard had poured a jar of peanuts down her shirt as a dare and now she was trying hard to keep her cool and not slaughter her childhood friend like Erza would.

"Are you mad?"

"No, I'm not mad."

"Are you sure?"  
>"Yes."<p>

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you're not."

"YES, I AM!"

"Assert your feelings, Lisa-na-na!"

Positive Thinking Day: September 13

On the Brightside, Natsu felt being beaten within an inch of his life by Lisanna was better than being killed by Erza.

National Cream-Filled Donut Day: September 14

Levi's random act of kindness went unnoticed by the iron dragon slayer as he bit into a cream-and-metal-shard-filled donut.

Make a Hat Day: September 15

"Congratulations on making yourself a hat, Gray. An _ass_ hat, that is."

Felt Hat Day: September 15

When Gazille learned of Levi's kindness from one of her teammates (Jet: Be grateful, Asshole!), he decided to return the favor.

"Oh my Mashima! Gazille, thank you! I've always wanted a fez!"

Collect Rocks Day: September 16

Or, as the guild liked to call it, Collect Rocks and Throw Them at Other People Day.

Working Parents' Day: September 16

As Romeo watched his father and Cana have a drinking contest, the young boy couldn't help but wonder if Macao counted as a "working" parent.

National Apple Dumpling Day: September 17

"Um…Elfman?"

"Yes?"  
>"When you make apple dumplings, I think you're supposed to put apples in them. Not meat and vegetables."<p>

"But the meat makes them MANLY!"

Oktoberfest (Begins): Day Varies

Cana was doing a small happy dance in the middle of the guild. Finally her favorite festival/holiday was starting!

"Master! I'm taking the rest of the month off for…uh…religious observation!" And so Cana proceeded to the nearest liquor store to buy out half of their inventory.

National Cheeseburger Day: September 18

Elfman decided that the only food manlier than a hot dog was a cheeseburger. Well…minus the mustard, of course.

National Women's Friendship Day: Third Sunday

"Because of what day it is, Erza, Levi, Cana and I are going to the spa." Lucy told her two male friends.

"Why are you bringing Erza?" Gray asked the blonde. "She's not a woman." Needless to say, Gray got his ass kicked.

International Talk like a Pirate Day: September 19 [Hells yes!]

"Hey guys, what's—I mean, yo-ho yee scallywags! How be you?" Levi hated this grammar-mutilating day. She wanted to shoot herself in the head due to all the improper language. While Levi had to restrain herself from slaughter, Happy seemed to have no problem with the holiday and easily belted out "ayes" and "yarrs"

National Butterscotch Pudding Day: September 19

"Ugh," Gildartz mock gagged from the pudding. "This flavor is for dumbasses. Here you go, Natsu."

National Punch Day: September 20

"Ow! Mother fu-"

"Damn it! What was that for?"

"Take that, Ice Bitch!"

"How was that, Iron Bastard!"

"That was weak! You're a—ow! Shit!"

"Oof! That blow was unmanly!" No one was really surprised how this day went.

National Peace Day: September 21

Lisanna looked around at all of her lukewarm friends.

"Anyone else think that National Peace Day comes after National Punch Day on purpose?"

Miniature Golf Day: September 21

"Damn hippo! Give me my ball back!" Gazille began to violently shake the obnoxious-looking pink hippo that had somehow swallowed his golf ball. Jet, Droy, and Levi hardly managed to squelch their laughter. Gazille's display with the hippo was much better than any comedy segment they had _ever_ seen. "If you don't give me my goddamn ball back, I will eat you! I'm not even kidding. You're made of iron so you'll be goddamn delicious!" This comment seemed to attract bystander attention which only caused the Shadow Gear team's faces to turn an even redder shade as they tried to keep from laughing out loud. "All right you ass, prepare for the commencement of you personal hell! You brought this on yourself." When Gazille began to actually eat the hippo many events simultaneously occurred. First, the course's management arrived at the scene and began yelling at the dragon slayer to stop. Mothers covered their children's eyes to shield them from the "horrible display" and fathers roared with laughter. Levi, Jet and Droy finally capitulated to their urges and burst out laughing while the management pried Gazille off of the now headless hippo. Gazille cackled like a madman after that and sneered at the decapitated pink carcass of the hippopotamus. "What now, Bitch?"

World Gratitude Day: September 21

"Happy…what are you doing?" The white cat asked as she approached the other feline. Happy was lying face down in the dirt with his limbs spread out like a star.

"Giving the world a hug!"

Business Women's Day: September 22

"Um…Erza?" The redhead cocked her skull to the side to indicate that she was listening. "You do know that the girl scouts aren't a corporation, right?" Lucy looked at the badges on the swordswoman's sash in exasperation. "You don't qualify as a business woman." Erza waved the blonde's words away.

"Of course I do! Girl scouts are door-to-door saleswomen, and good ones at that, so we definitely qualify. We're highly successful, right, girls?"

"Yes, Den Mother Erza!" The troop (including Wendy) chimed.

"Now, Lucy, if you'll excuse us, we have cookies to sell." And with that, Den Mother Erza and her daisies left the premises.

Elephant Appreciation Day: September 22

Natsu was doing just fine "appreciating" the creatures until one decided to spray the dragon slayer; that was when animal control had to come and sedate the pissed off mage.

Checkers Day: September 23

Gray carefully analyzed the black and red board for any possible moves. Lucy was kicking his ass so far and it was aggravating him to no end. Right now, though, Lucy was fidgeting which meant that Gray had a possible move that could help him out a lot. He just had to figure out what it was. After five minutes, the frigorific mage finally found an opening in which he was able to jump over two of the blonde's pieces _and_ get "kinged." Gray's evil grin flashed and he preformed the move (much to his opponent's disdain).

"Ha! King me! Who's your daddy now, bitch?" (1)

International Rabbit Day: September 24

Wendy snuggled the cute, fluffy bunny; nothing made her happier than small animals. These small things made you want to reinvent love to signify something along the lines of fluffy bunnies.

"Who could ask for any more?" Wendy sighed in content. The bunny, nicknamed Thumper, began to squirm so Wendy set the animal down. She really wanted to buy the animal but there was no way she would be able to care for it. She also wanted a puppy named Bambi.

National Cherries Jubilee Day: September 24

Lisanna tapped her foot nervously. Somehow, Elfman had managed to obtain his own cooking presentation at a local recreation center. He was going to show other adults how to cook certain dishes so Lisanna tagged along for moral support/assistance.

"Attention, ladies and gentlemen! We are going to be making a manly cherries julibee!"

"Jubilee." Lisanna corrected while playing with her hands. She was praying that Elfman wouldn't burn down the building like a certain dragon slayer she knew.

"I'm pretty sure it's julibee, Lisanna. Anyway, first we whisk together some cornstarch and sugar in a saucepan."

_Sounds easy enough._ Lisanna watched in horror as Elfman poured a bottle of rum in the saucepan. "Uh…Elfman? That's not sugar."

"Don't worry, Lisanna. I know what I'm doing. Lucy told me that rum and sugar are the same thing." Elfman whispered back to his sister. She sighed and let him do as he pleased. "Now the cornstarch." Elfman placed three corn cobs into the saucepan. "We were out of starch but plain corn should work just as well!"

_No it won't!_ Lisanna deadpanned in her head.

"Now we whisk it together!" Elfman transformed his arm into some scaly, clawed thing and began to desecrate the corn and rum mixture. Corn kernels and rum flew as the dish was destroyed. Elfman placed the saucepan over the stovetop he was provided with. "Add orange juice and water and boil it." He crushed six oranges and threw the peels and juice into the saucepan. Lisanna blanched as he added a bottle of clear liquid that Lisanna was sure wasn't water.

"Elfman, what is that?" she hissed.

"It's water." Elfman stated, rolling his eyes. He pointed to the label as if she was an idiot. "It says H2O." Elfman poured the substance into the pan and turned up the heat full blast. Lisanna looked at the label and paled even more. Somehow, Elfman had misread the _neatly_ printed H2SO4 (2) and thought it was water.

_Shit…_

"Now we stir in the cherries and let it simmer. Lisanna, please scoop the homemade ice cream into some bowls while we wait." Lisanna nodded and took out enough bowls for the whole audience and removed Elfman's ice cream from a cooler. It didn't look very creamy but it was white and frozen so she figured it was safe enough. The transformation mage scooped the white substance into the bowls while Elfman timed the cherries and chatted with the audience. As she was scooping it into bowls, Lisanna accumulated some of the white ice cream on her thumb. She licked it off and gagged.

"Ugh…Elfman, what flavor is this?"

"I believe it was shaving. It came in a can and I just froze the stuff. It's a manly flavor!"

"WHAT? Elfman, that's not—"

"Alright, the cherries are done! Now we set the cherries on fire and put them on the ice cream. Natsu!" In strode the fire mage with a wicked look in his eye. Natsu set the mixture (as well as the counter and stage) on fire and Elfman served the "julibee." "And that's how it's done! Enjoy my manly creation!" Later that day 32 people were admitted to the hospital needing burn treatment or their stomachs pumped.

National Comic Book Day: September 25

"Lucy, Juvia, look! I made a comic book! It's called, The Adventures of Gay-man!" The girls looked at the book and sighed. Juvia glared at the dragon slayer with bloodthirsty eyes.

"Natsu, why does Gay-man look like Gray-sama?"

Crush a Can Day: September 27

"Not _that_ kind of can, Natsu! Where are people supposed to pee now?"

National Good Neighbor Day: September 28

"Here's your vacuum back, Lucy. Thanks again for letting me use it." Gray handed the blond mage the vacuum he had borrowed the week before.

"You're welcome!" Lucy gratefully accepted the cleaning machine. "What are good neighbors for?" Lucy paused when a thought occurred to her. "Where do you live, anyway?" As Gray was about to reply, Happy flew in through Lucy's window and interrupted him.

"Gray, your house is on fire."

"What? Damn it, not again! That's the eighth box this month!"

National Mud Pack Day: September 30

Natsu starred befuddled at Evergreen. She had mud slathered on her face and was lying on a lawn chair outside of the guild.

"What are you doing?" An angry sigh escaped the gorgon's mud-covered lips.

"Go away, you dumbass. You wouldn't understand."

"Understand what? That you finally realized that no one wants to look at your face so you covered it?"

"Asshole!"

* * *

><p>(1) I have been waiting since chapter one to use this quote!<p>

(2) H2SO4 a.k.a Sulfuric Acid. It's purest form is poisonous. Ironically, I was listening to Poison by All Time Low while typing this part.

Hope you enjoyed this late installment of Holidays. For your information, the next chapter might also be kind of late due to school and such. I will try to get it out but no promises on when. Anyway, I'm thinking of doing a contest but I'm not sure yet. What are your opinions on the matter? Let me know what you think as well as tell me if you think I'm not giving some characters enough love. I try to include as many people as I can but it doesn't always work out with the topics. See you all whenever!


	4. October

So, uh...sorry guys! I had this done for a while but I didn't type it for some unexplicable reason. Anyway, as a reward for your patience, this one is a little longer (it's not really a reward; it just happened that way). So...sorry again.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail, Cat Fancy, Doctor Who, The Simpsons, or Taken.

* * *

><p>October<p>

"Hey, Gazille, guess what? It's October!" Gajeel gave Levi a 'well, duh' look.

"Thanks for telling me, Captain Obvious."

"No problem Lieutenant Sarcasm." Levi growled back.

"You just said it was October. That means that it's Sarcasm Month. I can't help it."

International Frugal Fun Day: First Saturday

"What the hell did you buy for 80000 jewels?" Lucy asked (the now broke) Natsu.

"A time machine!" Lucy looked at the 'time machine' and whacked her friend upside the head.

"That's a lacrima communication booth!"

World Vegetarian Day: October 1

Elfman looked at the veggie dog in distaste before shoving it away.

"A man like me needs real meat!"

National Custodial Workers' Day: October 2

"Hey, Lucy, I just wanted to thank you for cleaning my house last week. I appreciate it."

"No problem, Natsu. But why are you thanking me now? Why not earlier?"

"Because _today_ is the day that you thank janitors."

Name your Car Day: October 2

"Why'd you name your car 'Bessie?'" Lucy Ashley asked Natsu Dragion.

"…I don't know."

Techies Day: October 3

Hibiki's fingers tapped rhythmically as he held the portable communication lacrima to his ear. Soft music played through the contraption and despite the soothing notes, the music only aggravated Hibiki even more. He almost cried in joy when he finally heard the click on the other side.

"Hello, tech support. How may we assist you today?" Hibiki paused at the female voice. It sounded incredibly familiar. Hibiki shook it off and masked the agitation in his voice as he told the woman what was wrong. "Alright, let me just—" Suddenly there was a crashing sound that was followed by incoherent screaming.

"Hello? Hello?" Hibiki waited stock-still until another voice (this one male) spoke over the device.

"Sorry, Sir, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Please hold for a—OH SHIT!" Hibiki stared at the lacrima communication device in confusion before putting it to his ear again. "Natsu, what the hell is your problem? What the—Mother fu—" Hibiki could hear more yelling and what sounded like a massacre.

"Wait…did you just say Natsu? Who is this?" Hibiki waited for a bout ten minutes before the yelling abruptly stopped. The same woman's voice began speaking again and this time Hibiki could place the voice. "Lucy? Why are you working at a tech support place?" Silence on the other end.

"Uh…please hold for a supervisor!" Hibiki nearly chucked the communication device against a nearby brick wall when the music of hell restarted. Luckily it was cut off short when the supervisor picked up.

"Hello, tech support. How may we assist you?"

"Erza?"

"…You have the wrong number. Goodbye." This time, Hibiki did weep when he heard the call disconnect.

Virus Appreciation Day: October 3

"Natsu, I'm pretty sure your stupidity is a virus."

"What?"

"Natsu isn't a virus. Have you seen my refrigerator? He's a parasite!"

National Golf Day: October 4

Don't play golf with Max. _Ever_. 'Bastard kept moving Wakaba's balls into the sand.

National Frappe Day: October 4

Laki sat on a stool at the bar counter. Her eyes were wide and round with an air of alertness. It seemed as though the mage was vibrating in her seat due to the pure overdose of energy coursing through her veins. Warren approached the woman cautiously.

"Hi, Laki."

"Hey, Warren. Isn'titanicedaytoday? Iloveautumnsomuch! Theleavesaresoprettyand it'. Fallisthebest! Iloveitsomuch!" Warren blinked at Laki. Her words had come out rushed and he had no clue what she had said. He looked at the barmaid who was cleaning some glasses and humming innocently.

"Uh…Mira?" The snow haired woman gave the male her full attention with a suspiciously innocent smile etched on her face. "What did you give her?"

"Justafrappe. Itwascaramelflavored. I_love_caramel! It'ssocaramel-yanddelicious. Youshouldtryit! It'sreallygood—" Warren interrupted the lavender haired mage.

"What _else_ was in it?" Mirajane's maliciously innocent grin grew wider.

"Just about eight shots of espresso."

Do Something Nice Day: October 5

With the intention of squelching the animosity between her teammates and Gajeel, Levi told Jet and Droy to do something nice for the iron dragon slayer. The request only increased the hatred between the three because, apparently, Gajeel didn't find the lifetime subscription to Cat Fancy magazine the least bit thoughtful.

World Teacher's Day: October 5

Due to the holiday, many teachers were given the day off to relax and regain the sanity they lost working with children. Many mage guilds were hired as temporary teachers, as was Fairy Tail. Makarov volunteered many of the Fairy Tail mages to help out. It seemed like a good idea at the time…

"Alright, you all know which classes you're teaching, right?"

"Why the hell do I have to be the hallway monitor?" asked a peeved Natsu.

"Because you're a bad influence on children!" And so the mages went to their respective to teach the teenagers they were assigned. Erza was assigned to the gym.

"When I blow the whistle, you must start running. I want fifty laps for your warm up." The student gaped at the physical education instructor. There was no way she was serious…right? "Get ready...set…" When the whistle was blown the students realized that the mage was indeed serious and they scrambled onto the track and to run their laps. When students began to walk, Erza would chase them in one of her more terrifying ex-quips.

Meanwhile, Levi McGarden was playing language teacher for the day and giving the students a "Latin" lesson.

"Alright, everyone, I'm going to read a few spells and then we're going to translate them!" The students nodded slightly and Levi began to read. Unfortunately, being a mage, she started to unknowingly perform the spells. The students were floating or swapping bodies or changing genders. They were all screaming and shouting for Levi to stop. She looked up from her passage and sheepishly said, "Oops."

At least Levi's students weren't in a mess of pain unlike the skippers Natsu was chasing through the halls. Apparently, the underachievers hadn't gotten the memo that cutting class was an offense punishable by death. Natsu—with a sadistic grin—chased these students through the hallways with giant flames consuming his hands.

"If you're not going to class, you might as well fight me!" yelled the fire dragon slayer. The teenagers yelped and ran faster. Prayers went through their heads as they tried to repent and escape the untimely death that was pursuing them.

At the same time, Reedus and Gray were temporarily teaching the art classes. Reedus was teaching painting and drawing while Gray taught sculpting and ceramics.

"Does everyone have an ice block?" asked the ice mage. The students nodded and waited for further instruction. "Great! Carve whatever you like. There's blowtorches and chainsaws and ice picks. Good luck!" The students eyed the tools apprehensively.

"Aren't you going to show us how to use them?" one of the students nervously inquired. Gray snorted in response.

"Demos are for pussies."

"What if we lose an arm or something?"

"Amputation is a part of life, kid. You'll learn that when you're older." The expressions on the students' expressions ranged from between incredulous and horrified.

During the art class blood bath, Gajeel was substituting for the metal shop teacher. One by one, the students would present their projects to the iron dragon slayer and he would consume them with a grunt of gratitude. The aghast expressions on their faces while the "teacher" ate their projects were later replaced with depression as they silently waited out the rest of the period. Six weeks of hard work and eaten by a psychotic mage in a few seconds.

Across the hall science was being taught by Mirajane and Cana. In one class Cana was teaching chemistry.

"What type of organic compound is C2H5OH?" Cana slurred to the class she was instructing.

"Um…an alcohol?"

"That's right!" Cana gestured to a preset lab. "Today we're going to make our own booze!"

Mira also had a lab planned for her biology students.

"It's dissection day!" she chimed while handing out scalpels and scissors to the teenagers.

"But these animals are still alive!"

"A-aye!" Happy was strapped to a metal tray in front of a group of students. Mira gave the cat a cheerful but dark look as she passed him.

"And? That means that everyone will get to see firsthand how a heart stops beating." Happy's eyes grew wide and he shivered. He looked pleadingly at the other two exceed (who were in the same situation) and back at Mira. He regretted eating her prized salmon.

In the next room, Lucy was trying to teach astrology. Unfortunately, she was using Loke as an example and he started to hit on some of the female students. Lucy had also summoned Lyra earlier to teach music. Lyra demonstrated what the song that the students were working on should sound like; this lowered their self-esteem.

At least the music students were better off than the health class.

"It's time you learned what it is to be a MAN!" Elfman exclaimed as he gestured to the reproduction posters.

Luckily, the day ended early for the students due to the Council being called. Apparently, one of the substitute teachers had stripped and was walking around the art room buck-naked. The authorities were called to arrest the "pedophile" and school was let out early. The next day, the regular teachers returned and were bombarded with hugs and cries of "Don't leave us!" Those students learned a very important lesson; be grateful for what you have.

Physician Assistant Day: October 6

Wendy walked through the woods following the path that lead to Porlyusica's hut. Wendy wanted to ask the old woman if she could be her apprentice. When she reached the home of the human hater, the dragon slayer started to feel nervous. Her resolve began to waver and she wanted to turn around and go home. Charle, who had come with her, sighed in agitation before making the decision for her and knocked. Porlyusica opened the door moments later with a frown.

"What?"

"Can I—"

"No." And with that, Wendy went home.

Come and Take it Day: October 6

Many of the guild members spent this day running away from the fire dragon slayer who pursued the bunch with an air of homicidal rage. Natsu wasn't very happy about Gray sneaking into his house to steal his precious scarf.

International Frugal Fun Day: October 6

Everyone had a hell of a time running from Natsu during the day. And all it cost them was their guild headquarters.

Mad Hatter Day: October 6

Gray hastened along as the sun set behind him. He had to hurry if he wanted to make it to the hat shop before it closed. During the hectic game of keep away they played earlier, Juvia had dropped her hat as she was running from the fire mage. Gray had found it later and was going to give it to the water mage when he was intercepted by Natsu. Natsu burned the hat (he thought it was Gray's for some reason) and now Gray had to buy her a new one before she found out. It was—inadvertently—his fault, after all. Gray finally came upon the shop—a little shop called Crazy Sophie's—and entered in a rush. He ran up to the woman at the register, unconsciously stripping off his shirt along the way.

"I need a hat!"

"Really now?" the woman said with mock surprise. "I never would have guessed. It's not as if people go to hat shops for hats." Gray frowned at the woman's sarcasm.

"I need a cheap woman's hat." Gray clarified.

"That's nice but I'm afraid we don't cater to your type." She gestured over to a sign that had large, red letters dictating the store's policy. It read, "No shirt, no service." Gray looked down and hastily found his shirt and redressed. The woman smiled in approval.

"Now, how can Sophie help you?" Crazy Sophie began to show Gray all the women's hats in her store and made suggestions. Finally she grabbed a blue and white hat that looked exactly like Juvia's.

"That one!" Gray told the woman. She looked at the hat and then at Gray.

"Really? I don't think this one suits you very well. How about something more flamboyant, maybe with feathers? You would look very nice with feathers." Gray choked on his spit as the woman continued to scrutinize him.

"You think that the hat is for me?" This woman thought Gray was a drag queen! She really was insane. "I'm not a cross-dresser! You're crazy!" Gray took the hat and shoved money into her hand.

"Mad as a hatter." she agreed as she watched the Fairy Tail mage scurry away.

Bald and Free Day: October 7

Natsu sat at the bar, trying, without success, to muffle his snickers. He was about to play the _best_ prank ever on the ice mage.

"What are you doing?" a voice beside him asked. Natsu didn't register the familiar voice or turn to look at the speaker. He just continued to grin at the strawberry short cake that was sitting at the other end of the bar.

"I bought a potion from this merchant and slipped it into Gray's cake. It's going to make all of his hair fall out." Natsu's grin widened at the thought.

"Natsu, I'm right here." Gray said and Natsu spun around to look at who he had just revealed his plans to. _Oh shit…_ "Besides," Gray continued "that's not my cake."

"Then who…" Natsu turned just in time to see Erza grab the plate of cake and pull out her fork. Natsu seemed to travel in slow motion as he tried to swat the fork out of Erza's hand. Too late. Erza took a bite, swallowed, and was ready to take another when she felt a breeze on her scalp.

"Oh shit—Erza I'm sorry! Don't kill me!" Erza turned to a groveling Natsu, confused. It was then that Erza noticed the sea of scarlet under her. The thin twine was all around Erza's stool.

"Natsu what are you…" Erza suddenly realized that the twine was not twine at all but _hair; _familiar, long, _scarlet_ hair. "Natsu…" The name came out laced in venom and with the intention to kill.

_Later_

People stared at the fire dragon slayer and Titania. Natsu's head was shaved clean and Erza was sporting a new spiky pink wig.

World Smile Day: October 7

Erza and Natsu received a lot giggles and snickers whenever someone looked at their heads. The two mages didn't seem to notice.

Oktoberfest Ends: Date varies

Nobody was positive of the reason why Cana was so depressed.

Curious Events Day: October 9

Happy looked at the mission board in disdain. He wanted to go on a mission but his best friend was locked up (due to certain reasons that will be revealed later) and Erza, Gray, and Lucy were escorting a client who was allergic to cats, so the exceed wasn't allowed to tag along. Happy sighed for the umpteenth time.

"What's wrong with you?" Happy turned to look at the white exceed. She was alone—meaning without Wendy—and looked just as miserable as him.

"Everybody's gone and I want to go on a mission." The cat said. "Where's Wendy?"

Charle frowned more at his question.

"Hospital; she took a mission there to help out with some surgeries. Unfortunately, they have a strict 'no animals' policy." Charle glared a little at the memory. Happy nodded in understanding and turned back to survey the board. His eyes fell on a bright yellow piece of paper. It read:

_Help! Fish shipments being stolen! Need brave mages to investigate!_

"Hey, Charle, would you like to go on a mission with me?" Charle raised a cat eyebrow before nodding.

"I suppose I could."

"Me too," The two exceed jumped and turned to face the newcomer. "Gajeel wanted to train alone." Pantherlily added. Happy empathized with the other cat. He grabbed the request he was looking at earlier and showed it to his two other friends.

"Sounds easy enough." The other cats gave Happy the okay. And so the exceed trio headed out on their mission. They flew to the docks (where the crime had occurred) and investigated the scene of the crime for clues. Happy paced on the docks several times before he found anything useful.

"Look what I found!" Happy called over his companions and showed them what he had found. It was a small, dark pin with silver scripture. The pin read "K-9" arranged in the shape of some sort of beast.

"How curious," Pantherlily said, not noticing the weird looks he received for his word choice. "What do you think it means?" The tow other cats shrugged.

"I think I dropped it over here somewhere." The three cats shifted their gaze to where the new voice came from. Two rather large dog-man hybrid creatures were walking on docks towards the exceed. One of the hybrids had a pin punctured into his shirt that was identical to the one in Happy's paw. It seemed that the creatures hadn't seen Happy and his guild mates so they quickly hid behind some leftover cargo crates.

"Just hurry up and find it. We don't want to get caught."

"I know!" The two suspects continued to search the docks, gradually nearing the Fairy Tail cats. Happy was getting nervous. The ever-decreasing space between them and the dogs was alarming.

_What do we do?_ Happy frantically searched the eyes of his companions for answers. Suddenly, Charle snatched the pin from Happy and whispered as quietly as possible.

"I have a plan." It was barely audible but the males heard it regardless. Charle pointed to a nearby net that was lying not too far from them. "Follow my lead!" Charle jumped on top of the pile of crates they were hiding behind and produced a loud whistle that garnered the attention of the beasts. "Fetch!" Charle whipped the pin into the water. The dogs followed the pin with pure animal instinct making their bodies move. Catching on to her plan, Happy and Pantherlily seized the net and flew to the dogpaddling duo and ensnared them.

"What the hell?"

"Flying cats?" The beasts continued to struggle in the net but the flying exceed pulled it tighter.

"Who are these cats?"

"_We're Fairy Tail mages!_" Happy exclaimed, proudly.

"Mages? Shit! Fido, they're going to find out we took the fish!" Happy sighed in exasperation. The dogs seemed to be stupider than he first thought. The Fairy Tail mages delivered the criminals to the authorities and collected the reward. Happy spent the rest of the day trying to get Charle and Pantherlily to get matching "Team Exceed" tattoos. They said no, of course.

Fire Prevention Day: October 9

The reason that Natsu was unable to go on a mission was because he was locked up in a cage, in an underground room, deep within the catacombs of the Fairy Tail guild building. The citizens of Magnolia had deemed this necessary since, nine times out of ten, the fires were Natsu's fault. And so, once a year, the good folk could rest easy knowing there would be no spontaneous fires in the city.

Moldy Cheese Day: October 9

"Isn't this an ironic twist of events." Lucy said to her nakama. She, Erza, and Gray were on a train back to Magnolia since they had finished their escort mission. The client had given them all the money in his pockets (400 jewel) and a chunk of moldy cheese. The client was a cheese connoisseur and he swore that the hunk of cheese was extremely expensive and delicious.

"How so, Lucy?" Erza questioned. Gray groaned and clutched his stomach. He was feeling nauseous and the bumpy train ride wasn't helping.

"Gray mocks Natsu for his motion sickness and now he's the one sick on a train!"

"I'm not sick!" Gray tried to defend himself but his stomach seemed to protest. "Why did I eat that cheese?" The rhetorical question came out a whisper.

"Because you didn't want to look ungrateful." Lucy put in helpfully.

"Ungrateful my—" Gray's stomach gave an agonizing lurch before spilling its contents onto Erza's shoes.

Emergency Nurse's Day: Date varies

"Wendy! Wendy, come quick!" Wendy halted her conversation with Charle and looked at the speaker intently.

"What? What's wrong Happy?"

"It's…it's Natsu! I think he might be dying!" Wendy's face paled but her eyes hardened in focus and determination. The dragon slayer quickly followed the blue cat to his best friend who was passed out in the middle of the street.

"Natsu!" Wendy ran up to her friend and began checking his pulse and poking at his skin. Everything seemed okay so far….

"Wendy…" Natsu rasped voice barely audible. Wendy only heard him because of her sharp dragon slayer ears.

"I'm here, Natsu! Don't worry, I won't let you die!"

"Wendy…I need…I need…" Wendy listened intently, tears welling in her eyes. "I need…_food_! I haven't eaten in…four hours!" Needless to say, Natsu was tattled on and beaten senseless for scaring the poor girl. Erza threatened that she _would_ kill him if he did it again.

National Angel Food Cake Day: October 10

"What's with all the angel food cake?"

"It's _angle_ food cake, not _angel_. They're polygons."

"So you made a bunch of square cakes?"

"They're not _all_ square! That one is a parallelogram."

It's My Party Day: October 11

"How could you guys throw a party in _my_ house and not even invite _me_!"

Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day: October 11

"Mashima, I think it's staring at me." Gray shivered. About half of the guild (including Gray) was gathered huddled around a small table. On said table sat a worn, off-white teddy bear with glassy red eyes that seemed to stare at the mages.

"It's really creepy." Levi agreed. Suddenly, it seemed the bear had shifted its glassy glare to Levi. She gulped and whispered, "Where did Wendy get this? And why does she still have it?"

"Grandine had found it and given to her." Charle answered. She was as far as she could get from the bear. "It scares the crap out of me." Charle gave a sort of hissing sound at the thing. "Once, Wendy and I were playing cards with it. Wendy left the room and suddenly I was hanging from a moving ceiling fan by my neck!" A simultaneous shudder passed through the group. The bear seemed to glow with malicious pride as well as an underlying sense of disappointment at its failed attempt at murder.

Cookbook Launch Day: October 12

Mirajane and Lisanna eyed the book in awe and an inexplicable sense of foreboding. It was entitled _How to Cook Like a MAN!_

Old Farmer's Day: October 12

"Gotta' say, son, you're the best plow I've ever had." The farmer watched as the mage smirked.

"This is nothing," Gajeel said. "I can go like this all day."  
>"Really? I've got a few buddies who could use some help. And they have a bunch of old iron for ya' if ya' give 'em a hand."<p>

_BEST DAY EVER!_

Moment of Frustration Day: October 12

On which Lucy had writer's block, Erza's strawberries were inedible due to E. coli, Juvia had missed Gray's naked parade through Magnolia, alcohol prices skyrocketed, Romeo asked Macao where babies came from, the library was closed, and Gray was forced to register as a sexual predator. You could almost hear the collective scream of outrage.

International Skeptics Day: October 12

"Look, Flame Head, the thing is possessed and it wants Charle's blood!"

"How dumb do you think I am?" Gray refrained from saying "Immensely." "You're such a sissy, being afraid of a stupid little bear."

However, when Natsu returned to the guild later, looking like he had woken a sleeping Erza, all Gray could say was "I told you so."

World Egg Day: Second Friday

This was the day that Lucy discovered the old picture and was told the story of Happy's birth.

National Dessert Day: October 14

It was a very bad day to be at the guild.

"Grayyoubastard! I'mgoingtokillyou!"

"Ohplease. You'resoweakyoucouldn'tkillabutterfly!"

"Motherfu—" Gray and Natsu then proceeded to have a high-speed fight and continued to yell fast-paced obscenities at each other. Due to the fact that sugar highs don't last very long, the two collapsed in exhaustion within minutes.

White Cane Safety Day: October 15

_Whack!_

"Ow! Asshole—"

_Smack!_

"Hey! Watch where—"

_Trip!_

"What is your—" Bixlow really enjoyed pretending to be blind that day.

Bosses Day: October 16

"You're not the boss of me!" Fried snapped at the redhead. Erza's eye twitched.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, boss!"

Dictionary Day: October 16

"You wanna start something, you ninny hammer?"

"Bring it, harlot!"

"What was that, you ignoramus?"

"It means strumpet, you fatuous harlot!"

"You puerile asshole!"

Wear Something Gaudy Day: October 17

Gray stood in the middle of the guild with ears aflame in embarrassment. He was wearing a dragon costume with scaled shoes and gloves from which protruded fake claws that were a smooth ivory. The suit was a ruby red with a golden front as the belly and the mask obscuring Gray's reddened face was large with an open maw for the ice mage to see. The tail was the worst, though. It was at least five feet long and he kept tripping over it as he walked. Gray made a mental note that betting that Natsu couldn't eat 50 pig roasts was a bad idea.

No Beard Day: October 18

"Rape!" Romeo screeched.

"Wha—Romeo, it's me! Daddy!"

"You're not my Dad! He has a beard."  
>"I shaved!" Romeo didn't accept that answer.<p>

"Help! Child molestation! Someone call the Council!"

Evaluate Your Life Day: October 19

The more that they thought about their lives, the more they realized what a douche the creator of the holiday was.

Brandied Fruit Day: October 20

Next to bar nuts, they had to be Cana's favorite snack.

Sweetest Day: October 20

Happy eyed the white cat who was talking with Wendy about some odd topic or other. Happy looked to his best friend and asked, "What should I give Charle for Sweetest Day?" Natsu looked at him in confusion.

"Why would you give Charle _anything_ for Sweetest Day?" he inquired, oblivious.

"That doesn't matter! What should I give her?"

"I dunno…a fish?" Happy scoffed at the notion. He _always_ gave her fish. It wouldn't be special if he gave her another one.

"How about flowers?" suggested an eavesdropping Lucy. "Women love flowers."

"And cake," suggested Erza, joining the conversation.

"Why not catnip?" said Cana, throwing back her liqueur.

"Hey, diamonds are a girl's best friend." Even Evergreen was giving advice now! Soon, the whole female portion of the guild was suggesting gift ideas.

"Um…Happy, I really don't need all of this."

Babbling Day: October 21

"B-b-b-b-b-b—" Levi interrupted the stuttering Droy.

"Morphemes, Droy! I don't know what you're saying!"  
>"B-but Jet started it!"<p>

Count Your Buttons Day: October 21

"Holy Mashima, you have a lot of buttons!"

"Well, yeah. Ever since I lost my marbles, I've had to compensate."

National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day: October 21

"Pumpkin _cheesecake_, Elfman. Not pumpkin _cheese cake._"

National Nut Day: October 22

"Gah! Wrong nuts, Gray!"

Mole Day: October 23

"Look! I found a mole for mole day!" Lucy eyed the creature in her friend's arms.

"Natsu! Get that thing back in the ground; he's probably scared to death!"

"But it's Mole Day!" Natsu retorted. Lucy frowned.

"Mole, meaning the _constant_ mole, not the animal."

"I don't get it." Lucy sighed.

"It's October 23. A mole is six point zero two times ten to the twenty-third power." Natsu blinked.

"I don't know if I could find that many moles."

"What? No, Natsu, you're not getting it—"

"I accept the challenge! One down, 601999999999999999999999 more to go!"

T.V Talk Show Host Day: October 23

"Welcome to Fairy Facts, the show where we interview your favorite Fairy Tail mages! And I'm your host, Max Alors!" Max bowed in front of the studio audience and grinned at the camera. "Today we'll start things off with welcoming the scariest woman alive, Erza Scarlet!" The audience applauded and whooped for the redhead.

"Erza!"

"We love you, Scarlet!"

"Please date my son!" Erza walked on stage wearing her ever-present serious expression. She nodded to the audience and sat down in a chair that Max sat his guests in. Max waited for the crowd to quiet down before starting the interview.

"So, Erza," Max smiled at his guild mate. "What's new?"

"Well…I've been trying to find a hobby," Erza replied. Max leaned towards the redhead in curiosity.

"Oh? Any luck so far?"

"Not really. I tried to learn to bake but I'm pretty sure my teacher had no idea what the hell he was doing." Erza scowled at the memory of Elfman trying to use Plue to make a hot dog. "Then I tried gardening,"

"And how was that?"

"Everything I touched died," Erza's face resembled that of a kicked puppy. "After that, I joined a book club but they didn't want to read about swords and kicked me out." Max sympathized with his friend and let her rant about her failed hobbies (from ballroom dancing to planking) until the next guest arrived. The next guest strolled into the studio with about 11 leashed moles blindly bumping and crawling over each other.

"I see that you're not the only one in need of a hobby, Erza."

National Bologna Day: October 24

"That was the worst story ever! What kind of idiot would make a house out of straw?" Levi gave the speaker a withering look.

"It's a story, Natsu. It's supposed to teach a lesson." At the moment, Levi had just finished reading _The Three Little Pigs_ to a group of young children and an idiotic dragon slayer.

"A lesson…_right_. What was the moral, kids?"

"Love your family?"

"Look out for others?"

"No! Don't be a dumbass and you won't get eaten by a wolf!" The children gasped at Natsu's vulgar language and covered their ears. Levi sighed and changed the subject.

"So…who wants lunch?"

Punk for a Day: October 25

Mira gave Wendy a hard look before she screamed. The rods and rings adorning the young girl's skin, heavy eye makeup and studs in her clothes were not appreciated by the barmaid.

"Wendy! You are _never_ playing with Gajeel _ever_ again!"

World Pasta Day: October 25

"Brains!"

"Those are noodles, Gray. Nobody has noodles for brains except maybe you."

Frankenstein Friday: Last Friday

"I don't understand. Why isn't my ice monster responding?" Erza gave the ice mage a look that questioned his intelligence.

"Because, as I've already told you, noodles do _not_ function as brains!"

National Mincemeat Day: October 26

Lisanna and Mira stared at the pie in front of them. Elfman claimed it was "mincemeat" and that scared the living daylights out of the women. Lisanna nervously cleared her throat and steeled herself to ask.

"What's in it?"

"Meat and fruit," Elfman responded and Lisanna nodded slowly.

"What _kind_ of meat and fruit?" Mira asked hesitantly.

"Goat meat." Mira exhaled a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Goat wasn't that bad, even if it was the wrong meat for the pie. At least it wasn't dog or something. "As for fruit, I put in guavas, mangos, grapefruit, avocados, star fruit, and lychee berries. It's manly!"

"How is it manly?" Lisanna asked. There were a lot of ill-fitted tropical fruit that were in no way manly or fitting for the recipe.

"I used the manly part of the goat!" Mira threw up.

Make a Difference Day: October 27

Because Mavis knew that those fairies were destined for greatness; that they would do something and be immortalized. And that's why she simply couldn't let them die on that island.

National Tell a Story Day: October 27

"And that's when Prince Charming raised his blade and slew the dra—what? What the hell kind of children's story is this?"

Plush Animal Lover's Day: October 28

"C'mon, Happy, let's go home!" Natsu grabbed the little blue cat's paw and left the guild.

"Ah, Natsu, wait! That's not—" It was too late. The dragon slayer had already left the building. Mirajane sighed and looked over to the real Happy, who was sitting with the blond celestial mage, eating fish. "He'll figure it out eventually."

"Those Happy plush dolls sure are popular."

Hermit Day: October 29

"Hey, Natsu," Gray looked over at his rival with an air of minor curiosity and continued. "Why do you live so far away from the guild?" Natsu shrugged.

"It's cheaper than living in the city. Besides, all that noise gives me a headache."

"So…you're practically a hermit?" Natsu gave Gray a look that was threatening to end their civil conversation.

"At least I don't live in a box like you!"

"Hey! I do _not_live in a box…anymore! It was only for a month!"

National Candy Corn Day: October 30

Regardless, candy corn is not an adequate reward for the Fairy Tail mages' hard work. Actually, it's not an adequate reward for anything. Candy corn sucks.

Mischief Night: October 30

"What the hell?" Natsu's eye twitched in irritation as he eyed the new decorations in his home. Posters of shirtless Grays adorned the walls—blown up photos taken for _Sorcerer's Weekly_—and piles of Gray plush dolls were scattered about Natsu's living room. There were figurines on some of Natsu's shelves and even autographed pictures. If Natsu didn't know any better, he would have thought that he had stepped into Juvia's basement. "I don't know who you are," Natsu whispered "but I will find you and I _will _kill you."

_Meanwhile_

Cana opened the door to her quarters. As usual, she was hammered beyond reason yet still managed to have some sort of coherent functioning in her brain. Upon swinging the door in, Cana looked up to see a group of gin-blossomed individuals and one man in a suit.

"Hello, Cana," the man in the suit said "you're friends are very worried about you, you know." Cana blinked a few times.

"What…is going on?"

"This is an intervention, Cana." The group nodded along with the man in the suit.

"Welcome Cana."

"Oh, fu—"

_Meanwhile_

Eagerly, Gildartz sliced open the letter he received from his only daughter. This was the first time she had ever sent him anything! Carefully reaching through the folds, Gildartz extracted the letter and unfolded the paper with trembling hands. It read:

_Congratulations! You're going to be a Grandfather!_

Gildartz keeled over in a dead faint.

_Meanwhile_

Gray sat in his living room (because he no longer lived in a box thanks to a successful mission) lazily leafing through a copy of Sorcerer's weekly (he couldn't understand why they always asked for shirtless pictures of him…but then again, maybe they didn't and it somehow ended up that way) when he heard a knock at his door. The ice mage set the magazine down and went to answer the door. When he opened it, Gray was greeted by the sight of a flushed and breathless Juvia who looked as though she ran the way to his house.

"Do you really mean it?"

"Mean what?" Juvia's response consisted of waving a crumpled piece of paper in his face.

"You want to get married?"

Gray blinked once.

Twice.

"WHAT?"

_Meanwhile_

Levi and Gajeel high-fived.

"Damn, I didn't think that Juvia would fall for that fake letter!"

"Yeah but it was clever wasn't it!"

"No, the intervention was clever. How did you get all those people?"

"They're actors from a company that some Fairy Tail mages helped once. How did you get all that Gray merchandise?"

"I know a guy."

Mirajane watched as the two conversed from across the guild as she scrubbed a glass. She couldn't tell what they were talking about but she was sure it was nothing.

Carve a Pumpkin Day: October 31

"Ah! Shit! The blade slipped and—oh, Mashima! Get Wendy!"

Halloween: October 31

"Guess who I am!" Erza said to her friends. She was wearing a short, pink wig (Natsu's from when he had shaved it off), an open vest (with a skin colored camisole under it, you pervs), baggy pants, and sandals. Gray looked her over before guessing.

"An idiot?" The blood that he lost was collected and then used as a prop for Fairy Tail's haunted house.

Increase Your Psychic Powers Day: October 31

On which Cana tried to get stronger by having a "clairvoyance contest" with Charle. After the contest, she got drunk off her ass and regressed back to how she was before the event. What a colossal waste of time.

* * *

><p>No promises on when the next one will be uploaded. As always, let me know if you laughed or what you liked and didn't like and what was your favorite. By the way, if I never sent you a reply I promise I will get to it. My email is a piece of crap.<p> 


	5. November

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail, Star Wars or Rave

* * *

><p>November<p>

A quiet, wet-sounding smacking noise was heard in the corner where Erza and Lucy were sitting.

"And so I—"

_Smack, smack, smack._

Lucy frowned and tried to continue. "As I was saying, I—"

_Smack! Smack!_

Lucy stood up abruptly, knocking over her stool in the process. "Alright, who over gave Plue peanut butter?" Levi, who was sitting two tables away, scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"It's peanut butter lover's month. What did you _expect _me to do?"

Look for Circles Day: November 2

Any ignoramus in Magnolia would claim to see a golden halo floating above Fairy Tail's bartender. Any mage in said guild would claim that the circle was crooked.

Deviled Eggs Day: November 2

Ironically enough, Mirajane made the _best_ deviled eggs.

Housewife's Day: November 3

Two things Gray learned this day: the guild needs more bacon and that Erza does not like to be asked why she wasn't in the kitchen.

Sandwich Day: November 3

Scratch that—three things. Don't tell Erza to go make you a sandwich.

Marooned without a Compass Day: November 6

The only thing worse than being lost in the middle of the ocean on a boat running low on supplies is being a dragon slayer on a boat, lost at sea and running low on supplies.

Saxophone Day: November 6

"What…the…hell?" Confused expressions watched Fairy Tail's new jazz band perform on stage. The band consisted of Levi on bass, Pantherlily on bongos and Gajeel on saxophone. While the music was good, nobody could get over the absurdity of the whole thing.

Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day: November 7

On which Gray was operantly conditioned to stop stripping. Unfortunately, the mages ran out of chocolate and his stripping prevailed. The other mages gave up.

Cook Something Bold Day: November 8

Juvia had baked a cake for her beloved "Gray-sama" with an icing confession written on it in looped scripture. Her plan was quickly ruined when she left the cake on a table to go talk to Mira and it was gobbled up by Natsu.

Dunce Day: November 8

Natsu's idiocy caused Juvia to nearly drown him for his actions. Luckily, he was saved from a watery grave when Mira distracted Juvia with old pictures of Gray as a child.

Chaos Never Dies Day: November 9

Not only was the guild half singed/soaked from Natsu and Juvia's spat the day before, but Erza and Gray were having a fight that also caused quite a bit of damage to the guild. Makarov watched as their dispute acted as a catalyst for all of the other fights that popped up. Within minutes, the entire guild was causing collateral damage and Makarov was left sitting on a stool pondering how this crazy guild of his came to be. His thoughts were interrupted when a large projectile (presumably a table) knocked Makarov off of his stool. Enraged from being interrupted, the guild master began to intervene.

"Hey!" Makarov screamed at the top of his lungs, "knock it off!" The whole guild froze in their positions, too alarmed to move. "Thank you." Natsu, whose precarious position involved widespread arms and one leg in the air, wobbled violently and crashed into Erza. The ex-quip mage responded by attacking the dragon slayer in cold blood. Makarov groaned as the fight resumed. While he knew that Mavis's guild was nowhere near as rowdy, Makarov couldn't help but think he wouldn't change a thing.

Forget-me-not Day: November 10

Because, as Lucy learned from being invisible for a day, nothing is worse than watching your friends forget about you. Well…_that_ and walking around Magnolia naked.

Chicken Soup for the Soul Day: November 12

Gray opened the bag that he found left on his doorstep. Earlier, a knock had sounded and the miserably ill ice mage had answered the door only to find no one there. All he found was a plastic bag with his name written on it. When he opened the bag, a container of still-warm chicken soup greeted him. Gray was so intoxicated from cold medicine that he didn't even bother to consider if the soup was a trap of some sort (nor did he give a second thought to the heart shaped chicken pieces). He ate the whole thing in minutes and wrote a thank-you note and posted it on his door.

National World Kindness Day: November 13

When Erza treated Natsu and Gray to an expensive dinner, the only thought running through the males' heads was, "It's a trap!"

Young Readers Day: Second Tuesday

"I can't believe you got us banned! What the hell is your problem?" Levi scolded her guild mate with a rarely surfaced anger in her voice.

"I don't see why it matters. Reading to kids is boring," Natsu responded, indifferently. Getting banned from the library wasn't _that_ big of a deal.

"No, it's not! And now we can't ever do it again! What made you think that it was a good idea to read them a sex book?"

"That was a sex book?"

Operating Room Nurse's Day: November 14

Erza held out her hand.

"Scalpel."

"Scalpel," Wendy affirmed, handing the older mage the tool.

"Needle."

"Needle."

"Thread."  
>"Thread."<p>

"Cake."

"Cake." Wendy took a spoonful of Erza's cake and held it out for the Titania to bite. Erza swallowed the piece and went back to her surgery. "Doctor Scarlet? Is the patient going to be alright?" Erza gave the air dragon slayer a small smile.

"Of course," Erza made a final stitch and sighed in relief, "see?" Erza handed the patient—Wendy's "possessed" teddy bear—to the girl. Wendy hugged it and thanked the ex-quip mage. Charle shivered as the bear gave the cat a look filled with evil triumph.

_Shit…_

Clean Your Refrigerator Day: November 15

Lucy looked inside her empty refrigerator.

"Where's all of my food?"

"We cleaned out your refrigerator for you!" Natsu replied.

"Aye!" Happy patted his rounded belly for emphasis.

National Philanthropy Day: November 15

If they built a few more orphanages and destroyed a few less harbors, _maybe_ the mages of Fairy Tail could be philanthropists.

Button Day: November 16

"Stop fighting!" Erza yelled at the two violent dragon slayers. Natsu and Gajeel instantly stopped their fight. "Thank you," Erza sighed. Three minutes later, the fight was back in full swing and Erza was forced to take drastic measures. "That's it!" She grabbed the two dragon slayers by the ear and dragged them away from the guild and to the nearest skyscraper. She shoved them onto the elevator and pushed every button from the basement to floor 93 and hopped through the doors before the movement started. She felt slightly bad for the person who had to clean up after the mages but they needed to be taught a lesson.

Have a Party with Your Bear Day: November 16

Wendy couldn't figure out why nobody wanted to have a tea party with her and her (possessed) teddy bear.

Homemade Bread Day: November 17

The day Elfman learned the meaning of the phrase "too much yeast."

National Adoption Day: November 17

"What the fu—"

"What is this?" Happy shrieked in outrage. Apparently, someone had put in an ad in the local paper saying that Natsu needed a new feline best friend. Various strays and abandoned cats were roaming the land on which Natsu's house sat. Happy turned to Natsu with tear-filled eyes. "Y-you want a new best friend?" Natsu vehemently denied the notion but Happy wasn't hearing it. He flew off, undoubtedly to whine to the blonde celestial spirit mage. When he arrived at the apartment, Happy then proceeded to high-five the inhabitant with a grin. "This was a great idea, Lucy! Now he'll never forget to take me fishing ever again!"

Take a Hike Day: November 17

"Just admit it Gajeel! We're lost!"

"We are _not_ lost! I know exactly where I'm going. See that tree over there? I marked it." Levi sighed.

"We're in a _forest_ Gajeel. There are tons of trees that look exactly the same." Regardless of her objection, Levi approached the tree and began to inspect it for Gajeel's mark. "I don't see any carving…"

"Well, yeah, I didn't _carve_ a marker. Do you want the enemy to know where we are?"

"Then how did you—?" Levi sniffed the tree and gagged.

World Peace Day: November 17

The group consensus was that nothing says peace like a good ol' punch in the face.

Occult Day: November 18

Laxus was about to punch the dark mage he was sent to get rid of but ended up being roundhouse kicked by one of the mage's team mates. The lightning mage was barely able to coat himself in a protective layer of lightning before he was sent flying through the window of a nearby home with a bright flash. Shaking broken glass from his clothes, Laxus detached himself from the plush carpeting and regained his footing. The lightning mage put up his fists and spaced his legs in a fighting stance. His stance broke, however, once he realized that the dark mages had disappeared and all traces of their magic were gone.

"Shit," Laxus sighed, relaxing marginally.

"I can't believe it worked!"

"The book was right!"

"Welcome, Sir Demon!" Laxus snapped his head away from the shattered window and looked at the young boys standing around him whom he hadn't noticed prior. There were five of them and all were wearing the same blood red cloaks with the hoods pulled over their heads, shrouding their faces and crucifixes fastened around their necks.

"Who the hell are you?" Laxus directed the question at the one who trembled the least (since all of them were shaking violently like small dogs).

"We are the ones who summoned you, Demon," Laxus looked around where he stood in the room he had been kicked into and found himself standing in the middle of a pentagram. From the color of the shape and smell of the room, Laxus could only assume the pentagram to be drawn from animal blood. Laxus looked back at the awkward adolescents whom had pulled their hoods down to reveal their blotchy, pimpled faces with large, horn-rimmed eyeglasses resting on their noses. Some had bad teeth and cracking voices announcing the arrival of puberty.

"I'm not a demon," Laxus said with an eye roll, "I'm a mage."

"The book _did_ say the demon might experience some memory loss," said Social Reject #1.

"Memory loss? I'm not a demon, you dumbass! And you shouldn't mess with that kind of magic, it's dangerous!" Apparently, Laxus's angry expression was frightening enough to have the boys groveling on their knees.

"We're sorry!"

"We won't do it again, we promise!"

"We just really need your help, Demon!"

"I'm not a—oh, forget it…"Laxus sighed, "what do you need?" The awkward tens gazed up at Laxus with hope in their teary eyes. Laxus groaned inwardly.

"We need you to get rid of someone for us," Social Reject #2 said.

"She is truly fearsome!" Social Reject #3 added. "Every day she steals our lunch money and pushes us around! We can't take it anymore!" Laxus sighed.

_A school bully? That's lame!_ Laxus looked at the frail, weak pre-teens who went through so much trouble to get a demon to help them. And Laxus capitulated all the while thinking that being the good guy _sucks ass!_ Hopefully, this bully will be strong and he can release some of his pent up aggression he had accumulated from letting the dark mages escape.

_Later_

Laxus was crouched behind a bush with Social Rejects 1, 4, and 5. They were staking out the area that the adolescents had their money stolen from on a day-to-day basis. Social Reject #2 and #3 were out in the open by an ice cream stand. Said rejects were acting as bait for the bully since they had drawn the short straws. The air around Laxus cracked and fizzed as the mage's patience slowly drained away.

"Where the hell is this person?" Laxus hissed. "I've got things to do!"

"There she is!" Social Reject #4 pointed to their tormentor. Laxus followed his finger to see…

"Wendy?" Sweet, innocent little Wendy was in the square near the ice cream stand and she eyed the cart with lust. "_That's_ your bully?" Laxus didn't bother with whispering anymore.

"Isn't she scary?" Social Reject #5 squeaked and trembled as Wendy approached his friends.

"Excuse me," ever-polite Wendy smiled at Social Rejects 2 and 3. "I'd really like some ice cream but I don't have any money. May I borrow a few…a feh—" Wendy sneezed and released an enormous gust of wind that had Laxus's clients cowering in fear. "Excuse me! May I borrow two hundred jewel? I promise to pay you back the next time I go on a mission!" Wendy smiled kindly.

"You've gotta' be kidding me…." Laxus left his hiding place (ignoring the protests of the social rejects) and approached Wendy. She heard him advance and offered her fellow guild mate a smile.

"Hi, Laxus! May I borrow some money for ice cream?" Mechanically, Laxus fished for the amount in his pockets for the correct amount and offered it to the air dragon slayer.

"Here, take it. Also, don't ask these losers," Laxus gestured to the Social Rejects, "for money again." Laxus stooped toward her and whispered in her ear, "They think you're harassing them." Wendy's eyes widened and she apologized profusely to the pre-teens. She had no idea that she was bullying them and wouldn't do it again, she promised. While Wendy apologized, Laxus went home to sleep under a rock. In the end, he accomplished absolutely nothing.

Have a Bad Day Day: November 19

Laxus may have had a bad day yesterday but Cana's present was worse. She woke up in the gutter with a massive hangover and a suspicious substance that smelled like vomit coating her shoes. On top of that, she was in a town she didn't recognize with a heart tattoo on her arm inscribed with an unrecognizable man's name inside of it. In her pocket she found a wedding photo between her and a stranger with the words "_Together Forever"_ printed on the bottom. She also found a train ticket to some foreign land (Symphonia? Where the hell is that?) and a receipt stating that she had traded two chickens for a pack of gum. Cana spared a moment to be pissed off at the fact that she had been ripped off (she ignored the question of how she acquired two chickens) and searched her person for the pack of gum. Upon finding nothing of the sort in her pockets or anywhere else, she assumed that it had been stolen by her new husband. Cana decided that it would be a good idea to find some booze and get drunk enough to mysteriously wake up at home.

Absurdity Day: November 20

Let's be honest; _every _day is Absurdity Day in Fairy Tail.

Beautiful Day: November 20

On which the sun was shining, birds were singing, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The grass was crisp and green and the leaves were changing to varying hues of oranges and reds that made the trees look like sunsets. A gentle breeze would tousle the hair of laughing children and would fill the area with clean, autumn air. This beautiful, picturesque landscape was converted into a hellish wasteland by the time the Fairy Tail mages had finished their mission.

Children's Day: November 20 (1)

"What book is that, Levi?" Levi looked up from the picture book she had yet to open and smiled at Lucy.

"It's a new picture book I bought. It received a ton of good reviews," Levi smiled as she recalled some of the book's praise. "One critic even went so far as to say that it made him feel like a kid again." Lucy looked at the children's book eagerly.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Hurry up and read it!"

"I will, I will!" Levi giggled as she began to open the book with an excited Lucy looking over her shoulder. There was a bright flash of light and Levi gasped.

_Later_

Wendy quickly made her way toward the guild. She was running later than usual due to some breakfast mishap—Charle was pinned to the wall with various steak knives embedded around her and Wendy's favorite teddy bear was on the table looking a bit disappointed that the cat was unscathed—and she had promised to arrive earlier to set off on a mission with the others.

"I hope they didn't leave yet," Wendy mumbled to herself, "I really could use the money." Charle (who was still somewhat shaken up from her hellish morning) nodded her agreement.

"Hi Wendy!" Wendy turned to see Bisca and Alzack's daughter, Asuka, and Romeo walking towards her and Charle. Wendy paused to wait for the two of them and offered a smile in greeting.

"Hello," Wendy said as friendly as ever despite her urgency, "what were you two up to this morning?"

"Bisca asked me to take Asuka to the park," Romeo answered and Asuka grinned and nodded vigorously in affirmation. They continued to walk to the guild at a slower pace in order for Asuka to keep up.

"Did you have fun at the park?"

"Yes!"

"Of course she did. Kids are so easy to please." Wendy nodded in agreement. Children were very easy to take care of. It was as Wendy was thinking this that the small group entered the guild and was met with the familiar faces of the Fairy Tail mages…as children.

The pre-teenage mages felt their jaws drop open as did Charle. Asuka didn't waste any time and approached the younger forms of her parents.

"Mama! Papa!" Little Bisca and Alzack looked to their daughter in child-like confusion.

"I didn't know we were playing house," the younger Bisca replied "but I don't mind playing." Little Alzack looked disgusted at the notion.

"Ew! I'm not playing! Girls have cooties!"

Finally, sense washed over Wendy and Romeo.

"Th-they all turned into little kids!"

"How did this happen?"

"Look! Look!" Asuka had detached herself from her parents and had a small picture book in her hands. She gave it to Romeo for inspection. Recognition flashed in Romeo's eyes.

"Dad was talking about this book. He said that it was turning people into kids when they tried to read it," Romeo shook his head. "This could be a problem." Wendy looked around. Many of her friends were crying and voicing their needs in whiney tones. Wendy felt a tug on the bottom of her dress. She looked down to see a younger Gray who was just as naked as usual.

"Hungry!" Little Gray whined. It then occurred to Wendy that, with all the Fairy Tail mages being the same age as Asuka, she and Romeo were now the oldest. And, to children, the oldest was always in charge.

"I'm hungry too!" Little Natsu sniveled as he approached Wendy and Little Gray.

"I was hungry first!"

"Well, I'm hungrier!"

"So? You're _always_ hungry!"

"Exactly! I'm the hungriest!"

"I'm more hungrier than the hungriest!" Little Gajeel interjected.

"That doesn't make any sense!" As the three continued to bicker, Wendy casually slipped away from them.

"What are we going to do?" Wendy asked Romeo.

"Isn't it obvious? We take care of them." Romeo began walking towards the bar that Little Mira was sitting on. "The spell only lasts until midnight; after that, they'll all return to normal. We just need to take care of them until then." Romeo began to rummage around the bar and collect supplies for sandwiches. Wendy went to help him while Asuka and Charle went to keep the children busy. Little Lisanna, Juvia, Laki and Cana immediately grabbed the feline and began to pull and pick at the poor exceed. Charle's yowls of pain went unnoticed by the two older mages as they continued to make sandwiches for their friends. They had to maneuver around Little Mira who was sitting on the counter, glaring daggers at Little Erza (who was mesmerized by Asuka's magical ability to steal and replace noses). Wendy and Romeo finally finished making sandwiches and called their friends over for lunch.

"Get in line!" Romeo called and the little children did so. The older mages passed out the food while Little Gray and Little Natsu resumed their bickering claiming the other had skipped. Little Laxus was behind them, looking exhausted, and his look-a-like—Little Makarov—stood behind him looking like he wanted to kill the fire and ice mage. Finally, the line had ended and all the mages were happily eating their lunches. Charle and Asuka approached the two mages.

"Now what?" Charle inquired, hoping that she wouldn't have to endure the torture from earlier. Romeo shrugged.

"Hey! You can't eat my sandwich!" Gray hollered at a thieving Natsu.

"But I'm still hungry!"

"Give it back, Stupid-head!"

"You're the Stupid-head, Stupid-head!"

Romeo sighed. "How about nap time?" Asuka made a face as Charle and Wendy nodded their agreement.

"Nap time, everyone!" Wendy yelled. There were unanimous groans and protests.

"Don't you have any dragon slayer magic that can make them sleep?" Wendy shook her head "no."

"What should we do, now?"

"If you don't take a nap, you don't get a cookie," Asuka threatened. The guild members simultaneously scrambled to find blankets and pillows as well as secure "prime nap time spots."

"Good job, Asuka," Romeo said "I'm impressed." Asuka grinned. Wendy and Romeo searched through drawers and cabinets for cookies while the children slept. Somehow, they scrounged up enough up enough teats for the children and passed them out as they roused an hour later. It was after the Fairy Tail mages ate their cookies that Romeo and Wendy realized that giving them sugar may not have been the best idea.

"Crap…" Romeo sighed as Charle was kidnapped and tortured by the younger mages. For the next seven hours, Wendy and Romeo were forced to run around and break up fights, rescue cats, salvage furniture (Gajeel didn't seem to understand that eating the metal supports on stools and tables was a no-no) and mediate verbal disputes. When they finally deemed it to be bed time, Wendy and Romeo were exhausted.

"Time for bed!" Wendy announced, wanting to sleep herself.

"What about a story?" Little Lucy asked with pleading eyes. The other mages voiced their agreement. Romeo sighed in resignation.

"Fine, but you have to promise that you'll go to sleep after it's over." The Fairy Tail mages grinned and nodded. Romeo turned to Wendy and Charle. "Do either of you know a good story?" They shook their heads and Romeo sighed. "Uh…"

"Once upon a time," Asuka began, decided to make up her own story, "there was a little boy who lived in a cabin in the woods. His name was…uh…" she looked around for inspiration. "Happy! His name was Happy and Happy was a big idiot!" Little Gray raised his hand and Asuka looked at him expectantly.

"Did Happy the Idiot have pink hair?" Little Natsu growled from his spot next to the ice mage.

"Yes, he did!"

"Was he an ice mage?" Little Natsu asked to which Asuka replied in the affirmative.

"One day, Happy the Idiot decided to…read a book."

"That's boring!" Little Gajeel groaned and Little Levi and Lucy shot him dark looks. Gajeel shut his mouth.

"But it wasn't a normal book; it was a magic book and when Happy opened it, he cast a spell on himself and turned into a…um…"

"A cat!"

"A duck!"

"A wombat!" Everyone turned to look at Little Erza.

"What's a 'wom-bat'?"

Little Erza blushed and shrugged her shoulders. "I-I don't know."

"Yes," Asuka continued, "he turned into a wombat and Happy the Idiot couldn't use his ice magic anymore because he was a wombat. Wombats can't use ice magic. But, Happy _did_ gain a new magic ability!" The children leaned forward in anticipation, totally engrossed in Asuka's weird story. "Happy the Idiot was able to…shoot lightning out of his eyes and had teeth that could chew through iron!" Wendy, Romeo and Charle sighed in exasperation. If a wombat couldn't use ice magic, how the _hell_ was it able to shoot lightning from its eyes? "Happy the Idiot was eating iron from a large pole as he was flying in the air (_Since when could he fly?_ Wendy thought) when he heard a scream. Happy the Idiot Wombat flew toward where he heard it and found a gi-normous robot trying to kill Princess…" Asuka looked around "Gajeel."

Little Gajeel growled. "I am not a dumb girl!"

Asuka ignored the iron dragon slayer's interruption and continued.

"Happy the Idiot Wombat shot his eye lightning and stopped the giant robot. Then he chewed it up and threw the parts into the ocean for the mutant robot sharks to eat (_Where did the sharks come from?_ Romeo wondered). Princess Gajeel was so grateful that she made Happy the Idiot Wombat king of the Echidna Kingdom. The end!" Asuka concluded. Romeo and Wendy gaped at the young storyteller.

_That's it?_ Romeo thought looking at Wendy in confusion. She shrugged, equally befuddled. Both had more questions than answers at the end of it all but the Fairy Tail members seemed to be satisfied and cuddled into their blankets. After the last of the mages fell asleep, Wendy, Romeo, Charle and Asuka collapsed in a heap in utter exhaustion.

_The Next Day_

The Fairy Tail mages all woke up extremely confused as to why they were asleep on the guild's floor and unable to remember the events of the previous day. Wendy, Romeo, Charle and Asuka had given all of them relieved hugs. Strangely enough, Levi couldn't find her new picture book.

False Confession Day: November 21

"Juvia is going to confess to Gray-sama today!" Juvia exclaimed to her girl friends. Ignoring the fact that Gray already knew about the water mage's feelings, Lisanna voiced her disagreement.

"I don't think that that's a good idea, Juvia. Today is False Confession Day," Lisanna said and explained further when she saw Juvia's confused expression. "If you tell Gray today, he'll think you're joking. You have to confess the opposite." Juvia nodded in understanding. She looked around for the ice mage and when her eyes met his shirtless form she strolled over for her false confession.

"Gray-sama?" Juvia said to his back in order to get his attention. When he turned to face her, Juvia socked him in the face.

"Ow! What the hell?" Gray clutched his possibly broken nose and tried to keep from bleeding on himself. "What was that for?"

"Juvia hates Gray-sama more than anything! When Juvia sees Gray-sama's face, she cannot help but want to punch it." Natsu, who was eavesdropping, could only nod in agreement. He knew the feeling well. "Juvia wants to never see Gray-sama again and for him to wallow in misery for the rest of his life. Juvia hopes that Gray-sama's life is filled with pain and suffering," she kicked him in the shin for emphasis, "and all his friends leave him. Juvia wants no part in his life. Juvia hates Gray-sama so much she would rather die than be saved by him." Juvia gave Gray one final smack on the head before walking away, satisfied with her false confession. Gray looked at her back in confusion.

"What the _hell_ was _that_?" Natsu, who was trying hard not to laugh—and utterly failing—shrugged.

"PMS?"

World Hello Day: November 21

"Wake up, Gajeel! The world says hello!"

"Yeah, well, tell it to shut the hell up. It's too damn early."

Go for a Ride Day: November 22

Needless to say, Gajeel and Natsu hated this day.

Eat a Cranberry Day: November 23

"Elfman…what are you doing?" Lisanna asked her brother who was watering a small mound in the garden.

"I'm growing a cranberry plant." Lisanna looked at the mound (disregarding the fact that cranberries grow in swamps) and back at Elfman.

"Why?"

"It's Eat a Cranberry Day and we don't have any."

"Yes we do. They're in the kitchen."

"I didn't see any." It was then that Lisanna saw the box of crayons and she smacked her forehead with her open palm.

"_Cranberry_, Elfman. Not _crayon-berry!_"

National Cashew Day: November 23

"There's not really anything funny about cashews."

"What are you talking about? Cashews are so _nutty_!"

"That was lame, Natsu."

You're Welcome Day: Fourth Friday (2)

"Gee, Natsu, thanks _so_ much for burning up my coffee table. No really, well done."

"You're welcome, Lucy!"

"That was sarcasm, you idiot!"

Black Friday: Fourth Friday (2)

On which Gray decided that he needed new pants and went to the store only to find a line of people camping outside of it. Some even had weapons with them. Gray looked down at his boxers and decided that he could wait until tomorrow.

Buy Nothing Day: Fourth Friday (2)

A holiday whose origins stem from situations similar to Gray's experience of going to a store on Black Friday and then deciding that you don't need the item _that_ badly.

National Parfait Day: November 25

"What's that?"

"It's a parfait. Do you want some?"

"What's in it?"

"Yogurt, strawberries—"

"Gimme!"

Shopping Reminder Day: November 26

"Are those new pants, Gray?" Mira asked the ice mage. Gray nodded and showed them off. "Any particular reason that you're 'sagging' your pants?"

"It makes me look cool!"

"It makes you look like an idiot. C'mon, let's go buy you new ones."

Pins and Needles Day: November 27

"Just tell us already!"

"The suspense is killing us!" Levi and Gajeel looked at each other and back at their anxious friends.

"Alright, alright. The truth is…" Levi pulled something from behind her back. "We made a cd!" The guild members looked at the cd (what the hell kind of jazz band name was _Gajeel and the Shorties_?) and sighed in exasperation.

Make your Own Head Day: November 28

"That's a great sculpture, Gray. It looks just like you!"

"Thanks!"

"The head's just as empty, too."

Square Dance Day: November 29

The strange dance that Bisca and Alzack were teaching their daughter had everyone wondering if the new parents needed to be carted off to the nearest insane asylum.

Stay at Home because you are Well Day: November 30

If Lucy ever decides to stay home, her friends would take it as a sign to mean that they should hang out at her place.

* * *

><p>(1): Children's Day is celebrated on a variety of different days depending on your country. Because multiple countries celebrated it on November 20, I decided to use this date.<p>

(2): All of these holidays take place the day after the American holiday, Thanksgiving (which is the fourth Thursday of November). Because Thanksgiving is an American holiday, I didn't do it in the story since the holiday is exclusive to a single country and has historic foundings. The holidays that come after Thanksgiving have no historical merit and therefore can be in this story. Just thought I would mention this.

As always, I hope you laughed and thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this monster of a fanfiction. Also, look for my new story which will be uploaded soon.


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